Jim0987 #11 - Mk8's user manual needs some work

[jim0987]

So a couple of days ago i posted a draft of a letter that i wanted to send my wife, as much as anything it is because we are now moving to a much more distant relationship and the massive stress and anxiety that went with the getting the agreements resolved is now done.

I've thought about it a lot and I do still want to send it (give it tomorrow night when i drop the kids off). I dont expect it to achieve anything other than to express how I feel and sincerely express my hopes for her future happiness. When i read it back there were a couple of minor bits so below is the updated version

Wife,

I cannot begin to fully understand what you have gone through and what you have felt these past 4 months and I am only now beginning to understand how you felt in the months/years leading up to your decision to leave. I do know that I have tried to support your decision as best I can through what has been the hardest and most emotionally charged time of my life. I do also recognise that it may not have felt that way for you and so for any part I have played that has made it feel harder or more difficult then I am truly sorry.

I want you to know that I have always loved you and that your happiness means the world to me. I would have done anything to support you in finding that happiness and to make our marriage work; it will be the single greatest regret of my life that it took you leaving to make me understand what you needed from me and the ways in which I could and gladly would have done better.

As much as i would like to change the past and do what I now know I should have, I know I cannot. Instead I will respect your decision and do my best to honour the time we had together by being the best parent I can to our children and being the man you always deserved and always hoped I could be.

I wish nothing but happiness for you in your new home.

With love, always

Jim


I'm concerned that its pursuing and that it will seem controlling. I'm also concerned that she will see it as blaming even though i dont think it is.

Ultimately sending this is probably more about my needs (to apologise for any hurt i've caused, and a desire to show empathy) than her needs which right now are for space and distance as she wants to move on without me.

I guess i'm just looking for thoughts