Right, AJ, I've got enough *cold* from a guy to last a lifetime!
When I left this morning, as I was pulling out, xh was arriving home at bil. I had to wait for him to pass before I pulled out. I didn't wave. Then I drove by him, and just looked in the other direction. I don't mean to be cold. I don't like that at all. I don't even do it on purpose. I just do. For whatever reason.
A couple hours later, I was still gone. Xh texted me and asked what we were up to.
No, wait. First he sent, "Hello" and that was it. I said hi. Then he asked what we were up to. I said kids were doing jobs at the house and I was still gone. He said ok.
That was that.
So as I was about to turn onto my street when I was coming home, I had to brace myself. I knew I would have to face either xh being at bil or being gone. He was gone.
It was a good reminder of why I don't want to know anything and why I don't look out my window anymore. Yuck!
But here is what I think. I was hoping that the distance would help him take a look at himself and work on some things. Maybe he will... maybe not. But, I also feel that he was definitely using my place as a place to go. He does not like being at bil, and is seeking a place. So, I think this is also why he would go from here to hww's. Maybe. And, now perhaps he will spend more time there. Well.... that's on him and nothing I can do about it. But, hopefully he will still find a way to work on him.
I feel like maybe I see that more clearly since he was looking to see if we were around and since I wasn't, he went there? I mean, truthfully I don't know where he is, but... well.... I don't know.
Maybe it is good for him to really be "stuck" at bil for him to take a good look around at where he is. Can't do it for him. If my boundaries help move him, bonus. If they don't......
If he does imply that he wants to hang around, I think I can simply let him know that if he wants to spend time with me, he will find a way. It needs to be right, and as long as he is still twisted up with that disaster, it's not happening.
It can be hard to be strong. And AJ, as you said I should listen to my needs... that can be hard. Because wants sometimes sing louder than needs. But, I need to focus on needs. Like, the big picture... what I want in the long run will come more aptly through current needs, not wants.
I am OK. I will be OK. I just wish it were stinkin' easier sometimes!
