I can't speak as much for the WAH, of course, but I would say it probably depends on that individual person. I know I have read a lot of posts from H's who wonders if his WAW does things out of guilt, but from my own VP, I can see in his thread that he is just hoping she feels guilty. In reality, she usually doesn't, b/c she has gone through a transformation. I believe for the most part, the WAS's feelings of guilt do not come till much later. That doesn't mean the WAS wants to see their S suffer, it just means they don't feel guilty about their own decisions.

Let me add this, also. Whenever there is a hidden, open EA/PA involved, I believe it causes the WAS to be much worse in ways one without an A would be. They have a different agenda, are deceitful, illogical, untrustworthy in every thing, the epitome of selfishness, callous........on & on. I'm not saying some of this never shows up in a WAS not in an A, but there is waywardness in the S who is either in an A or wants to prowl and party. They are worse than teenagers in rebellion. It is that waywardness that takes over their life and nobody (LBS, family, former friends, etc.) can seem to influence them as long as they are in their wayward state.

The wayward spouse has changed so drastically that the LBS thinks they must surely be having a MLC. Sometimes that is correct, but many times it is not. However, it is a crises for them.....and the S that loves them.

It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!