Yes. Exactly, all of that. I can't imagine raising a kid by myself. I saw H and I doing a really good job together though, all his nurturing energy balancing my driving/teaching energy.
IC gave me an interesting perspective. How our parents talk to us is how we learn to talk to ourselves, cope. If Hs parents just didn't engage, he is correct when he says he doesn't know how to have conversations with himself. It might also be the reason he keeps saying he needs ppl around, that care about him, all of his attention seeking methods, inability to just ask for what he needs. If a child receives that love and nurture, they become self assured and confident in their own lives. He is still stuck emotionally as a kid. Me pressuring him to give real support, find a career, be a mate/parent / didnt feel good to him bc it was more responsibility than he wanted. Me - I had some good strong positive self identity but a chaotic childhood with abusive alcoholic Jekyll/Hyde day/night. I learned to cope by firing on all four cylinders and disconnecting from emotions. So H and I found our childhood again perhaps. He three angry tantrums to get my attention, I disengaged through instability and chaos, and got deeper into my own life, his emotional needs continued to be neglected.
So now. I am dreading seeing him. Something in me is turning. I am worried about sex, as long as he is emotionally not wanting to be here or take responsibility, I don't know...yes, there is some connection but I think it is not a good idea for my emotional health. Does anyone have any experience with this, is it a good idea or no?
I feel like I don't want my M anymore. Like it would take him making some huge changes and overtures to get me to turn around feelings right now. What is happening? Is this normal too?
He will be back soon. I don't want to damage any chance but I don't want to be jerked around either.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
