And i forgot to mention that last night she was originally very cold to me. But she said she had to do that because nothing else ever worked. After i vented and cried a lot she seemed to open up and feel genuinely bad and even hugged me and offered to make me dinner. I realize it means nothing but to me it was something i needed....just seeing that she still had a heart.
Frank, you may think she is not typical, but her behavior is so common in WAW who drops the bomb and the H is having a meltdown. "Everything will be fine, you'll see. (give a hug or kiss, like she is mothering him) Look, we are still going to be the best of friends, ok? Come on, I'll fix you something to eat, and you'll start feeling better."
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sandi, thanks so much for sharing your perspective as a WAS. The WAS is not who we married -- wow, that is so true! I don't want to hijack this thread but was wondering what you make of a WAS who's warm/friendly all along? H has been very nice to me throughout the whole time since the BD (and yes it is very confusing as the LBS!), even when I was being very pushy and begging him not to leave and definitely not going to go along with it. Is it just his way of trying to get me to cooperate?
I believe it is. Plus, the WAH wants to keep things running smoothly without heavy scenes from his W. I think both the WAW & WAH want as little resistance from the LBS as possible. The WAS is ready to move on, while the LBS is still reeling with the hit of the BD. Not all WAS's are nice/friendly. Usually if they do not get what they want (especially women), they lose their niceness. I think men tend to work at keeping the LBW calm as he possibly can, which means being warm/friendly/nice. IMO, the WAW turns into a real b'tch and the H can see a greater degree of change in her than maybe the WAH shows his W. That is mostly based on what I have observed over many years of reading threads. I'm sure it can go either way, depending on the person.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
