My thoughts about the separation settlement is that it will stop any financial surprise. The L said that he saw it happen many times. Once the spouse is discovered with his/her A then they blow the credit cards since they feel entitled to spend their money with the believe that the other part knows and is doing nothing about.
He also said that many of his D cases end up not in D, or separation cases that never become D. That's why he recommend the separation agreement. He told me that this will give me more financial security but will also give me more independence from H. I can change the locks, H can't come and go as he pleases. We will need to agree on child support, child visitation, the children doctors and education. We will go to class to settle the children well being. As well as family counseling.
I feel it is the right thing to do. I will take the edge of feeling at his mercy. This fear and insecurity is eating my liver and I am sure I had enough. All three L I consulted said that H has many things against him. H is not offering any family related caring and this doesn't go well for him. L said that the courts are full of man that is still thinking square, that they move on with life and their jobs and that he wife should struggle and be with the kids. So L said that he is one more man that will be seen as irresponsible.
I have a lot of work to do regarding the paperwork I need to gather. I need to come up with a nice monthly budget, have to do a house inventory, find out the real appraisal for the house. gather a lot of statements, etc. What a pain in my behind it is.
My emotions... well, not so bad anymore. Had fun yesterday, I danced a lot, pure samba sometimes. Had my high heels on, was dressed very simple but sexy. My hair is natural crawly so its always done. Many people said that I was gorgeous. And I think I was, I do not look as old as I am, so that is a plus. The only problem is that it attracts younger guys. Oh well, at least it is good for my Ego.
Regarding my Jerk H, did not hear from him anymore. He did text S20 yesterday. S20 was at the dance with me and friends. H said that he wants to get together with him to discuss his business contract for his company. S20 is starting his own business and asked H to help him with the business language on the contract. H started the text asking if everything was OK with everyone. It was around 8pm.
H is supposed to be busy next week and the L said that I need to keep very quite about the separation or D agreement. L said that H should not know about it at all so he does not stop money flow at this point. I told L that H will be going on a business trip to Brasil at the end of next week and he said that I can play hurt and try to push this week without talking to him, that this will give me time to do all the paperwork and that when I give him the agreement, the OW is not around anymore, so he won't feel so positive and strong anymore.
It makes sense. Right now he has the OW here, so if I give him any agreement to sign he will be pleased. But if it comes to him when he is on his own, it will be a heart attack because he will face financial consequences that he was not prepared for.
That is my plan for now. Do not have any contact with H, if he push for it, I will do the Vanilla advice, sorry I am not ready emotionally now. H will go on a business trip and in the meanwhile I will get all this legal stuff ready. H comes back and I have a separation agreement for him to sign. If he does not want to sign then I will serve him with a Xerife. Probably in his work.
And I will give myself a chance, I am moving forward. Right now, I will schedule all the doctors appointments, need to shop a little bit for some clothes that fits me. Need to look into the spring break and schedule a trip with the kids.
At this point I don't even know how much I want to get back with H. Every time I think he is in bed with this woman I feel that it is the end. So I will see, it is too early to say what I will do or not do. Maybe he will never comeback, maybe I will never want him back. Who knows, I certainly don't know it right now.
