The reason for the coldness, is two-fold, IMHO. First, the WAS has had it with the M. They are completely done! They are no longer interested is having you for their love interest, and they (WAS) have had an inner transformation. That is why I often tell the LBS that this is not the person you married! Second, the WAS wants the LBS to get the message quickly. They do not want to give any impression there is any hope left, or that they will change their mind, or that anything the LBS tries will work. They act cold b/c they feel cold towards the LBS. Some are worse than others.
In many cases, if the WAS believes the LBS is going to cooperate with whatever the WAS may want at the time (S, D, have an A, etc.) then they may suddenly change to being friendlier. This causes great confusion in the LBS. However, it does not mean the WAS has had a change of heart. They just want you to give them whatever they want and not give them a hard time about it. If the two of you can part and keep it friendly, they think it's great.
sandi, thanks so much for sharing your perspective as a WAS. The WAS is not who we married -- wow, that is so true! I don't want to hijack this thread but was wondering what you make of a WAS who's warm/friendly all along? H has been very nice to me throughout the whole time since the BD (and yes it is very confusing as the LBS!), even when I was being very pushy and begging him not to leave and definitely not going to go along with it. Is it just his way of trying to get me to cooperate?
Me 28 / H 28 M 1 / T 2.5 BOMB 12-3-14 "I don't feel like myself any more" Still living together, separate rooms.
