Db'd after W D me in 04 remarried W in 07 DB again

[25yearsmlc]

MIC25 I apologize for being defensive when you posted to my thread, I realize now that you are very dedicated to helping people on the DB site!

Jbird,

When I was here as a newbie, many people reached out to help me. I am paying back what & when I can.

I lack time to adequately reply to you right now. But I've noticed a consistent theme in your posts which truly must change, as it is the essence of Divorce Busting.

Your posts are almost entirely about YOUR WIFE and what she has done today/this week or how she seems,

and your own happiness and how you see your life progressing are all tied into that.

Get back to basics. DB 101.

What are YOUR 180s? What are YOUR GAL activities?

You cannot heal, without detachment.

you cannot detach, without GAL. You cannot GAL if you put your focus only on her.

She won't return to a marriage/life she left, - ever - UNLESS


she believes the life/marriage can be better/different than before.

All you can work on is YOU to show change. Demonstrate it.

And don't beat yourself up for crying in front of her. BTW, you sort of skimmed right over the OMs.

Are you referring to the texts or is there more? And are you sure that it was physical? It sounds as if you could get past it and forgive her, in time,

if certain conditions are met. The only relevance that has at this moment is that you know it's not a deal breaker. So you can avoid the obsessing about it or snooping to verify it. And stay the course for your own personal work.

Maybe you can check out a personal growth workshop called "Essential Experience" in Philadelphia (also known as "EE"). It's quite profound and life changing and several DBers have attended. it's for individuals, but of course any improvement in a person in a marriage, improves the marriage too.

I did it several years ago and finally got closure on some issues I had touched on in therapy ---childhood issues included, but weekly therapy was sort of "inefficient" for me. I had a good therapist, however I'd have an insight or breakthrough - and then OOPS, I have to be at work - or go pick up the kids.

So Very fragmented. So a long personal growth workshop weekend is so much faster and deeper.

(At that time I first went, there were no marital issues, other than my r with my MIL, which was lousy. I felt so much more at peace after, that I just let it all go).

When I got home I was evidently quite changed externally as well as internally. I say that b/c my h said he saw a change in me "the minute" I stepped out from the gate at the airport.

Sure enough it made such an impression on h, that HE went to EE a few months later. Then we both went together.

Very deeply bonding and without that, I am sure I would not have bothered DBing 12 years later, when we faced our own marital crisis.

Guess I'm saying that a workshop or retreat of some sort (Retrovaille?? Look into that but its' for couples) would help you get a jumpstart b/c from what you are saying

you feel very stuck. Yes?