Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[HPoirot]

Hello LITB. Yes thank you... and I think getting myself together is happening!

Yesterday I went to the doctor for a follow-up on ADs. I had just read Sandi's very encouraging and humbling post so was feeling many emotions. Then updating my doctor on my sitch had me a little shaky. He cleared me to double my dose to 20mg of the ADs. It's crazy right now... it seems like it takes effort have a down thought.

This AD is a wonderful drug.

I don't even feel that urge to write my usual long story.

Today I went to the IC. I was smiling... even laughing a little... while telling my sad stories.

This AD is a wonderful drug.

We talked about my parents... what my dad went through. How he only told me recently about my mom and how he told me I'd need to get stronger. How his story made the puzzle pieces in my young life come together. How I'm close with my dad now.

IC asked me about my OW. I told her about our falling in love 25 years ago and how that ended painfully. How I found her again 5 years ago and our A. How she told me she would fight for her M and we chose to stop talking.

I'm not sure why she had me talk about these things. I really want to move ahead... from this day forward. She does stress I have to get my life together right now. That's all that matters. I trust she knows what she's doing. I go back twice next week.

Did not see XW until the end of S12s basketball game. Did not look for her. She was sitting behind me and I hadn't noticed. I thought maybe she wasn't there.

S12 had a great game and was happy at the end. I walked over to him and we talked about his success. After a while XW came over, turned to me and said she'd come get our son tomorrow depending on the weather. I briefly nodded, turned said "See you guys later" to the team, and left with my son without another thought.

This AD is a wonderful drug.

Had a nice evening with S12. On the way home... I stopped to pick up some rum. S12 said it's not good for me. He said... since I'm the one taking care of him... staying with him... that I needed to take care of myself. Stop eating M&Ms and get some exercise. He said he can't count on his mom. He was serious. I didn't get the rum. I see he is watching me and me showing him I'm taking care of myself takes pressure off him. Lesson learned.

I feel much better... like I really want to do something. I have a few thousand dollars in my personal account. I felt like going out tonight.

That's all I feel to write.

This AD is a wonderful drug.