Ya I agree on everything. No way I'll talk 'bad' about my W. They are related to HER, not you. Blood is thicker than water. They will choose her IF YOU FORCE them to choose. So don't force it.
I'm still very close to my older x SIL, whom my brother idiotically divorced years ago. So yes, It can happen.
In contrast, My younger x SIL --she is not close to any of us, b/c she insisted on bad mouthing my brother every time I went to visit the kids when she had them.
She did this in ways they were sure to overhear but besides that, what was I to do with those comments? Agree??? "Chat with my brother" and then what, convince him to return to her spewing venom?
She told me she "hates" my brothers's guts. So, not a lot I could do with that...
Eventually I had to just wait til I saw the kids with my brother, for I feared she would bad mouth him again, to me --IN FRONT OF the kids! IT does not do you any good to bad mouth her even if you think it's "Truth"
b/c in HER mind, the truth is you failed her for some time...before the affair.
I'd bet that is what she believes. Might be factually true too. Just Be above that.
And actually after doing more soul searching she hasn't even done that much wrong, sounds crazy. I forgive her already.
like you said, forgiving yourself may be your real challenge.
Some of the things in our marriage weren't meant to be. We both didn't put enough effort in. Love got lost and then she was wide open for temptation while I didn't take this thing serious enough.
I mean it's adultery, she sinned, ya, but giving the circumstances...we are humans after all and I HAVE to forgive. Of course it was disrespectful and its just horrible, but I'm more SAD than mad. How everything came down it's so terribly sad that it came that far. But it was inevitable. how does this^^ help you or your PMA now, at all?
Stop spinning in circles with it and move forward, please. - Or you'll keep cycling -. She is a good human being..but it's become a very stressful situation for us. Again thank you all for your support here. I'll keep blogging and bother you with my emotional ups and downs
Stay the course, take your DB coach's advice . Don't assume you will lose her whole family.
You don't have to. You can maintain contact with them regardless of what she says or does. Make an effort in that vein without discussing her or the m, and it might very well happen.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
