When I first came on these boards, I would read about those who have followed this path before me. They would talk about how their lives are so much better, whether the MLC-er comes back or not.
And, these posters would sound so OK. And, in all my pain and grief, I just couldn't fathom ever being OK again.
I couldn't fathom ever being in a place where I could see myself happy without my spouse.
Well, Hallelujah!
I think I get it now. :-)
I wish I could pour this feeling through the Internet so you all could get a taste of it. This journey is worth it. All the pain leads to something better than before.
It's not about him. It's about me. I'm different. I expect more. I deserve more. I know myself. I'm not going backwards.
I pray for him. I hope he finds his way...with me or wherever...but, I'm not his patsy anymore. And, I think he knows it.
The selfie this man sent...well, I could do better and, since he's left, I have actually.
I took a close look. Bloodshot eyes, sallow skin, bloated face...not the picture of health I usually feel attracted to. I would not, NOT, pick this guy out of a dating site and seek him out. If he tried to message me, I'd delete him...especially when I read "smokes regularly," "drinks socially"...
That was the weird part...that's what struck me as weird. It looked like a picture from a dating site.
In other news...I told my mom about the selfie. She called and asked if I would send it to her. I asked her Why? and who she was planning to show it to? I declined. I said, "Mom, he's a very sick man...I'm not sending his sad picture around town for giggles."
What was really interesting, D12 overheard. She became irate and full of passion. "Don't send it to MeMaw. He's sick mom. That's just wrong. IT's WRONG!"
Still, she doesn't want to see her dad in the picture. Doesn't want to share her Twitter account. Responded to him once on the texting app and refuses to read any more he writes to her. I feel a bit sick at his sickness tonight.
But, D12 and I are spending the evening sprucing up our pad :-)
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
