train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[twinmom]

Unbidden beat me to it, but when I read your recent threads, I wondered whether you have done much reading/thinking about the area of forgiveness? There's a real sense of you feeling your H doesn't 'deserve' that - but of course it isn't for him, it's for you..x

You're so right. I need to totally back off and work on my idea of forgiveness without any strings attached.
I am not (yet) am awesome person who can forgive without feeling like they earned it.

This is what I needed....... The outside choices pushing me to think in different ways and analyze my own thoughts.