Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[LITB]

I have only been separated from my W for a month. Funny how already this adventure has seemed very long. Now I'm just looking to settle in to getting myself together. I'm still not feeling like I'm leaving the door open for R with my W. But I'm feeling after another month of being dim, getting better at being cordial and friendly, then maybe I can give a small amount of focus to interactions with my W.

The red, bold sentence that you posted, is the key. That needs to happen first. Once you get yourself to that place, you will no longer analyze your interactions with your W. You will no longer calculate what you say or do, while interacting with her. It will come naturally in to you, and it will be a huge relief.

It will allow you to interact with your W from a place with no expectations.

The beauty of DB'ing, is that you can practice it in other aspects of your life. I worked for a company that fostered an environment of people being unaccountable and throwing others under the bus, because the owner would light people up.

One time, he came to my desk to light me up for something that wasn't designed correctly. He expected an excuse from me. He asked me what happened, and I told him that I screwed up. It left him speechless. When he was walking off, he told me not to let it happen again.

It takes practice, before it comes to you naturally.

I believe, in your sitch, you did not have much friendly contact with your W for a while after she moved?

I think our contact was mainly about our kids. I know it got ugly when I retained my attorney. Looking back, I would have done things much differently, which I did the second time. I made mistakes, yet it wasn't the end of us. We learn as we go.

You have mentioned that you haven't been GAL. I know 25 suggests volunteering, and I am of the same mindset. I read a quote that has stuck with me. It went something like this, "While you are busy helping others, you forget about the challenges in your own life". I know that I butchered it, but you get the gist of it.

GAL is important for a number of reasons:
-It helps you detach.
-It redirects your focus.
-Other opportunities might present themselves.
-It makes you feel good that you are making a difference.

Volunteering is one of the ways of GAL.

I posted this as my status yesterday:
What we do for ourselves dies with us. What we do for others and the world remains and is immortal. ~Albert Pike~
The difference between success and significance.