barely holding on - 7

[u-turn]

I have been quiet here for a while. Partly because of embarrassment of my inaction. Partly because of trying to GAL and not dwell on my situation so much. Partly because of the fist fight over at the man cave and the way that made me feel. Partly because of complete confusion as to what I need to do. Partly because of the time it took to gather information.

But, my finances are a mess, W is still hiding her A and still pretending to be my wife and I am deflated (again).

I think that I have to call her out on everything that I know and am not accepting it for myself. I know I have tried this before and she has seemingly changed but it is fake. I know this to be true. I cannot continue this way.

She is just being nice and keeping me happy and at arm's length so she can continue her double life. I do not want this. This will continue until I stop it.

She wants to play nice, sending me txt messages TGIF, and "looking forward to the weekend". But I know I have to bring this out all in the open again. I am not responding to these texts, because I don't even know how to. I don't know if I should pre-warn her of the conversation that we will need to have.

I really hate this life right now. I know that if I would have detached properly and had been separated from her I may be feeling differently right now, but I am defeated and am really feeling it.