Time to look at the facts and reflect on what is going on.
R has been super high and super low with emotions and feelings since May 2014. Very little middle ground of this is pleasant. Been kicked out of her house 3 times, would be 4 but we are selling our house we lived in together.
W filed in early November 2014, then retracted and we were trying to reconcile. Had some of our best times together over Thanksgiving and were planning a future together.
W said she is done, nothing has changed. Said I will be contacted by lawyer but have not heard from him yet.
W has been in a separate bedroom for about two weeks.
We made a list of how to split assets on 1/20/15. I told her flat out how I felt and the strength of my feelings and how I feel that D is not the answer. We hugged and embraced tighter than we had in weeks and cried together. Talk was emotional but not hate filled. Said she cares for me and thinks of me as her best friend, but is not in love with me.
We swapped rolls in the last year. In late 2013 I was not focused on M or family, they were not my top priority. W was doing all she could to try and save the M. Now I am fighting for the M and it is not the top priority of the W now.
W is EA with OM who she was physical with twice when we were separated in February. May be a PA, but she denied this. Said they talk about a lot of things, he is a co-worker. I assume OM is pushing for her to D me because he wanted to leave his W for her last year. I think OM is in the process or is already D. I was contacted by XW of OM and told this information the same day we split assets.
Our house should be sold on February 24th, I have been asked to move out. Do not know what I can afford because I do not know how much child support I will have to pay. Found a house I like, but have to wait on creating a budget.
Has been recommended on the forum to go dim/dark in relation to W.
Talked to DB Coach on 1/22/15 and got her perspective. She said to remember only to believe half of what she says, etc. She said that she makes decisions in highly emotional times. It shows positivity (just a little) that she filed before then retracted. She sees slight hope that we are still interacting well together and that we embraced and cried together during our R talk.
She said to drag out the D process as much as possible, time is on my side. She said to continue being pleasant and have upbeat interactions with W. Do not tell W when I receive papers. If asked, just say yes. If she asks about how I feel about it to explain that I am saddened by her hopeless feelings about our future. Less is more when communicating with the W.
My actions now.
I have the basic script for the LRT letter for the W. I will write it to help me with closure and the realization that this is the end and D is going to happen. I have to decide if or when to give it to the W. I have to fully believe in what I right in the letter and it has to be genuine.
Try to deal with my hope that the D will not happen and drop expectations of her changing her mind.
Make small changes and monitor reactions in my W. Still work on the person I want to be inside and outside of the M. If I want to share my emotions more, do so but monitor the reactions from the W. Do not pursue or pressure W.
Plan my move and possible locations to live.
Refocus on GAL activities, try not to focus on M so much.
Pack up the old house and start to relocate things into our current house.
Count my blessings and smile everyday.
My feelings.
I have a hope that we will not get a D. I don't know how much of this is because I am in the denial stage of grief. DB Coach gives me glimmers of hope. Wife's words are about D, her actions not so much. Her actions show pain and hurt and feeling overwhelmed.
I do not want this, but will not fight her. I feel that I have so much more to give and we have not exhausted every effort to fix our M problems. I feel she still loves and cares for me, but is trying to convince herself to leave.
M:34 XW:34 Together: 10y Living: 9y Married: 7y Son:6 Son:4 Separated: 12/28/13 Piecing: 5/2/14 Separated 2nd: 10/16/14 W filed, but pulled it: 11/5/14 papers served: 1/27/15 D final: 3/6/15
