Yes, marriages can survive. It doesn't happen without a lot of personal growth though. You have to BOTH make lasting changes.
My H had an A last year. I hesitate to say we are fully healed because I still have moments where the memory of what happened is painful, but I am no longer in daily pain over it. I would say our R is stronger than it has probably ever been. We are truly happy together again. Now, we didn't get here overnight. I had to drop the anger and the scorecard. I had to recognize my own behaviors that contributed to the deterioration of our M. Yes, H contributed too, but I have no control over what he chooses to do. It helped me to think of it this way: someday I want a better R, with or without H, and I'm not going to get it dragging this baggage with me. Funny thing about change, I changed first but H then followed my lead. We didn't talk about it at first, we just started shifting the way we interacted. Once H recommitted to our M, we both acknowledged the changes we'd noticed. At that point he also had to show his remorse and make me believe that his changes were true. All of that happened. We're both thankful we roughed it out.
Dawgy, your anger is evident in your posts. I understand that an A is horrible and no one ever wants to go through that, BUT you will be miserable for the rest of your life if you do not let go of it. If you feel like too much has happened and you can't be happy in the M ever again, then file for D and start moving on. Just remember, all of that anger is coming with you until you choose to let it go. Yes, your W hurt you. I bet you hurt her too and I'd guess that you are not very kind to her now even though you live under the same roof. IMO, you are doing yourself a disservice if you don't look at your own attitudes and behaviors to figure out how you could have been a better partner. We all make mistakes. It's up to each one of us to learn from them.
Me: 30 H: 35 M: 5 years S2 Signs of MLC started Feb 2014 BD - PA July 2014 Piecing/reconciling late July 2014
