Calibri (3)

[Calibri]

So he texted me this morning. Told me how sorry and ashamed he was of his behaviors, and how sorry he was to hurt me. That he had contacted his therapist to try and get an emergency appointment. That he hasn't broken his old habits of lying and people pleasing and that basically -- and how he doesn't know if he wants to work on the marriage or not, because "sometimes I don't want to, sometimes I do, But I don't know if its because of my habit of trying to make people happy or because of my own stuff. That's why I'm trying to get ahold of my therapist. Best way I can explain, I knew that you wanted to reconcile and I didn't see another response. I needed to buy time to regain my composure. I didn't lie to you completely, there were times where I wanted to talk and see you."

This is the second time that he's done this to me since BD. This, "I want to work on things" and then he pulls back and admits that it's not what he wants. Or that he doesn't know what he wants. That he's just people pleasing. And when he started this within the last month, I asked him if this was what he wanted, because I knew he had a tendency to people please and was he sure. Oh yes, he said.

What's the saying -- shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice?

I understand that he's in a bad place. His new job isn't what he thought it would be and he's stressed out. He didn't get his promotion and raise like he thought he would, because the bosses told them he lacked confidence in his work. He's lost. He's depressed. Everything is hard for him right now. He's angry and hurt about everything and everyone. He thinks his existence has only hurt everyone around him. But at what point in time does a bad situation excuse inappropriate behavior?

When he moved out, he said he didn't want to see other people. That he had no interest in dating or talking to other women. That he didn't have his head on straight. Never in a million years did I think he would do something like this. He knew that was my line. My point of no return. And he did it anyway.

He lacks integrity. He lacks confidence. He lacks the basic tools to deal with hard [censored] in his life. And he continues to lie. To himself. To others.

Unbelievable.