OK, so I'm doing a good job! But, I notice it is like re-detaching. The same emotions, sick feeling, insecurity, uneasiness, yadda.... But I know the drill. Been there, done that. I looked a little back at my firsts posts. I was actually doing well then. That was post detachment when I first started posting here. So, I am aware i went a little crazy the past two months. The feelings, however, are all too familiar. It is a wake-up call for what I could really feel if I got too carried away.
So I'm glad I have taken a large step back. Still going through some of the withdrawal feelings. But feeling better knowing what it is like to be detached. Struggle with some emotions daily, but OK.
So, I have not looked out my window at all!!!!! In fact, all week I have no idea when he has been at hww's. This is so good for me. It is a relief to not even have to think about it.
Today we met at the appt with s17. It went well. Then as we were walking to the cars, I confirmed that he was p/u d13 later and said bye. We drove home (and pulled in side-by-side... how weird he lives next door..). And that was that.
When he got to the appt, it was just the two of us waiting... he asked right away, "How are you?" He was such a chatter-box. Telling me all about work and everything.(Oh, btw... the last round of cuts was this week at his job. He is safe... so is the skank.) But he has never been the chatter box, that's been my job! But, he took charge. I engaged a little, but just to respond. Honestly, it kind of bothers me to talk about his work. Since, his boss brought him and hww over and he would tell me his boss liked to hire chicks. And they work together. And everyone sees them as a couple. And I am sure asking about the baby... whatever... I have no interest in going there right now. But he always like to talk about work, where ever it was. He is good at it. We would always talk about it... it was really the only thing he would ever talk about. The past couple months it has been a little uncomfortable for me. I have had to stop him before and tell him I don't want to talk about it.
Today was OK. I don't love it, it does remind me, but it wasn't as bad. Anyway, the dynamic is much different than last week and the weeks prior.
He did text me about s17 tonight and tried to engage a little about what was going on over at bil. Not his typical lifestyle. But quiet outside of that.
I am not sure what will ever make a change. I mean, I guess it's a wait and see kind of thing. The days just seem so long in that regard.
