train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[twinmom]

Oh, yeah, twinmom. Let's not be out looking for things to be upset about. You have plenty of real things to be upset about. But H buying you coffee and paying for your gas? Um, hellerrr? Acts of service. Take it with a smile. (As long as he isn't neglecting his share of the household bills to spend frivolously. And he IS paying household bills, right?)

You asked some questions about what you should do now that H says he doesn't want a D but admits he isn't "in love" with you. twin, you're a smart cookie. How does what H said make YOU feel? What do YOU think you should do? What are your goals? What do you want, sweetie? Spell that out for us.

And tell me: Are you comfortable being alone? Do you feel confident when you picture yourself being a single mom with limited help, and limited financial support, from your H?

Also, have you read 5LL? Have you and H ever taken the quiz to find out what your LL is?

Ok I have thought about this a lot. Could I be alone? Yes, if I had to I could make it work. Do I enjoy being alone? Nope, not at all. I have thought about this a lot. It's not the "in a relationship" or "not in a relationship" alone I don't like it's the companionship. I think I would be happy if I had a roommate (could be female or male) as I truly just enjoy having someone other than the kids to talk to/chill with.
What do I want from H??? This is going to sound HORRIBLE but I want him to hit rock bottom. I want him to own his mistakes and I want him to admit he has an addiction. I want him to think fu#!I really messed that sh!# up and be absolutely disgusted with his own actions. So yea forgiveness is something I haven't quite mastered yet........ (or even come close to)

I admit one of my faults is not being able to let go of past wrongs especially if a sincere apology/making amends hadn't occurred.

I should probably put a LOT of effort into that.