Broken Heart...What now?

[Vanilla]

the rehearsal:

H may push for D - I still need to meet with the 3rd L to check if everyone is in the same page regarding my rights on this.

urgent action Pink.

Do I just tell this to H and ask him to wait until I am done?


Pink, keep your self quiet. Do not reveal your hand especially if there are fins (financials) involved.

Do I say to him that if he is in a hurry to just file and serve me?

unless it's harmful to your fins just be passive, a passenger- H you know my view on D, if you want D I will not get in your way, but I am not going to help you.

I file for a D to protect my kids and I regarding to our finances, I should file. By 2 L opinions they say it is very important to file now. They even said that there are many clients that stop the D process or reconcile after the D, so it is not an impediment. I am not very sure. Filing for D seems so definitive and my fear kicks in.

if you have good legal advice and a second opinion, then follow the advice. Leave your short term emotional fear aside and look to the longer term fin health and wellbeing of your family unit.

When I am ready Here I have no clue.


Do I text him and say I want to talk?
if you are well rehearsed and strong enough but it is probably much too soon. Let H squirm like the maggot he is behaving like.

Do I let him to call again and then agree to talk?

same answer as for you initiating. H ringing will back foot him. Start the conversation with "well, explain" and see H do the hot coal dance. Just STFU and then at the end "really?"

When I meet him, let him talk, listen, and do my best to react to what he says?

dont react, just listen, validate, "I am listening" "yes" and "that might be xyz" and then "I need to think carefully about this". If H persists in when can I have an answer? Then respond "when I have thought it through and am less emotional"

If he talks about the D, just say to him to file it and when served I will agree or contest it?

use your L take advice do what is best for you. If H asks tell him you need to seek advice before taking action.

The problem I see is that I have no idea of what is going on in his mind.

Neither has he, but he may try to bluff or charm you. Let him ponder on what is going on in yours. Your L will tell you your best course of action. let L deal with L, keep quiet about your strategy.

Is he going to try to explain anything to me?

he might, but use a very large pinch of salt. He may try to blag his way through.

or maybe he will say that he told me about the OW before and he really wants to move on and we need to settle our situation?

he could say anything, don't be surprised by anything. if you keep quiet sure as anything H will tell you too much. just let the silences sit and H will keep on talking.

I don't know what is coming, and I don't know how to prepare myself for what is coming.

I know this, dear heart and this will not be easy if you choose this route. We are here to listen to talk you through and support you and remember you are now in control.

I think I feel too much rejection and I can't even consider that the jerk has any feelings for me.


Please Pink mind reading. Observe and listen and say even less.

I feel like he is ready to wipe me off of his life for good and that he feels I am a big boulder in his shoe. Because I feel this way I feel there is no hope.

All or nothing thinking here? There are plenty of other views. Personally I think he is guilty and now his R with OW has shifted.

Why a hotel? OW may be in an R too and H may be concerned about his OW being exposures. Pink, let him work through this.

But then I remember just by Christmas when he came all love, love and told me that he was very confused and he couldn't just take me out of his life. And the love he gave me was unbelievable great. I don't even know how someone can lie so well about their feeling when you are so vulnerable.

if he is in MLC or infatuation then he is hormonally crazy.

The other part the mix my thinking is that I try to picture that maybe H said all that and has been coming and going, and does not just end all this because he wants to have a better financial outcome from when the D is final.

your L is your best guide on this. Ignore H wants and think to your own.

That he was pretending to be all friend because he wants me to be in good faith with him and facilitate it to him.

Well he blew that one out of the water Pink. Well and truly. Not a smart man. Who knows perhaps he wanted to be caught, perhaps he thought you were blind, perhaps he has pimples on his bum, or nits in his hair. that's why he jumps and scratches so much.


Will love your toughs and anyone else's opinion of what should I do next that will help to have some chance that we can still work our M.

XOXOs
Pink

No doubt Pink there are a few vets who can say more. Starsky in particular is brilliant at this. 25 has had some excellent posts on the subject.

You have V take on it. V sorted her fins but kept silent on everything. So never even discussed D other than as above "will not get in your way, but will not give you any help H".

V just sees OW as the lowest of the low and will not give that sort of OW who sneaks around behind spouses any thought. They are not even the germ on the doo doo under my boot.

Rest dear one
Vanilla