moving on

[Ahoy]

My dad is having surgery today for a blocked artery. Last week he called to say my aunt is battling breast cancer. My sister is due to have a baby any minute. It's so hard to be far away from them all during all these challenges. I really am eager to move back home to be with my family. Today I am sad. I have no family support here, and am far from the people I love. I wish I could fast-forward my life. . . Just feeling down today. I wish my L would hurry up and send me the draft proposal for the dissolution so I could feel like progress is being made. But then again I'm scared about the custody issue. Sometimes this is all too overwhelming.

[raliced]

Ahoy - best wishes for your father. I understand that procedure has a very high success rate.

There are definitely days that it feels overwhelming. When that happens to me, I try to remember that I will feel better soon and then just let it flow over me.

Have you spoken with your H about the custody proposal or will this be news to him (or are you afraid he will change his mind)? How does D feel about it?

[raliced]

Oh- and congratulations on your impending Aunthood!

[Ahoy]

I did mention what the child visitation schedule would entail to him -- at first he seemed ok, now he is waffling a bit. So who knows how it could turn out, and how long it might take. I really need to move to my home state this summer, and I'm worried about the time frame...

[raliced]

That's why I think it might come down to your daughter's opinion. I have the impression your H really doesn't want to seem like the "bad" guy on this. He might fight you, but would he fight her?

[Ahoy]

My D has mentioned before that she wanted to move back to our home state, but I haven't shared that with H because I didn't want him to get defensive and blame me for brainwashing her. My D14 definitely doesn't want to be asked to choose, doesn't want to be put in the middle. I don't think he would fight her, but I don't want to make her be the one to force the issue. I want him to see that it's in her best interest. But I think she would choose to stay with me if made to

[Ahoy]

Forgot to mention my other benchmark: I finally sold my wedding band last weekend, along with some other useless jewelry. I felt fine about it, since that past relationship is totally gone. Now we are just co-parents.

Anyone else out there dealing with child visitation/custody issues across states? I could really use some advice and some examples of what works.

[Old Dog]

Now that is moving on.

[gan]

Hope your Dad's surgery went well today, Ahoy. I'm impressed you sold your wedding band. That's pretty huge in my book!

[Ahoy]

My dad's surgery went well -- he's recovering in the hospital now. Very hard not to be there. Last night, my D14 mentioned moving to home state again -- I said that nothing was set in stone. Then she started a discussion about schools again. I've tried to be very vague on this account, because I do want to work out the parenting schedule specifics and custody issues with H first, but I do have to honor her desire to understand what might come to pass.

Basically, she has asked in the past to move back to home state. But she doesn't want H to know that, which I respect. In the course of the conversation last night, I said that I thought it would be in her best interest to do high school there for family support and other reasons, but that if she felt strongly about staying where she is, to let me know and that I would understand and support her. It was hard to say that, but it's true.

She has to know that I will love and support her no matter what, but I also don't want her to make a decision based on the fact that her friends are here, rather than in home state, because some of her friends are changing schools, and who knows what might happen in their lives/families in the coming years.

I told her that I didn't want to put her in the middle and have her make the choice, that I would do my best to avoid that scenarios. However, if it can't be avoided, and if H insists on trying to keep her where she is for school, then she may have to speak up for herself and her own wishes. I can tell she is torn, but she does say that she wants to be back in home state for school. It will be hard either way.

I would really love to hear from any others dealing with interstate parenting issues -- what works, what doesn't, what to look out for.