So V, I am dropping the catastrophic thinking, the poor me behavior, the crying baby.
As you know I am a strong girl. It's when I suffer the most that I feel stronger. I have something inside me that does not allow myself to drop.
I need to get this. Everyone says that the ball is on my field now and that H is feeling miserable because he was caught. Toots even said that the dynamic of his A will be different because now him and the OW knows that I know.
You say: "Consult a L to see what you need and move quickly." By Colorado law no one need to have a cause to file for a D. Even when a H or W have an affair, it doesn't matter. The A won't be used during the D. If there are expenses related to another person in the R, then you can argue that those were not expenses inside the M or for the family, but that's about it.
I agree with your words to let H knows I am not ready to talk to him. Most because I don't want him to feel good so fast. And because I may blow up on him. So, if he insists in the "talk", I will politely let him know I am not ready for such conversation.
No the rehearsal: H may push for D - I still need to meet with the 3rd L to check if everyone is in the same page regarding my rights on this. Do I just tell this to H and ask him to wait until I am done? Do I say to him that if he is in a hurry to just file and serve me?
I file for a D - to protect my kids and I regarding to our finances, I should file. By 2 L opinions they say it is very important to file now. They even said that there are many clients that stop the D process or reconcile after the D, so it is not an impediment. I am not very sure. Filing for D seems so definitive and my fear kicks in.
When I am ready - Here I have no clue. Do I text him and say I want to talk? Do I let him to call again and then agree to talk? When I meet him, let him talk, listen, and do my best to react to what he says? If he talks about the D, just say to him to file it and when served I will agree or contest it?
The problem I see is that I have no idea of what is going on in his mind. Is he going to try to explain anything to me? or maybe he will say that he told me about the OW before and he really wants to move on and we need to settle our situation?
I don't know what is coming, and I don't know how to prepare myself for what is coming. I think I feel too much rejection and I can't even consider that the jerk has any feelings for me.
I feel like he is ready to wipe me off of his life for good and that he feels I am a big boulder in his shoe. Because I feel this way I feel there is no hope.
But then I remember just by Christmas when he came all love, love and told me that he was very confused and he couldn't just take me out of his life. And the love he gave me was unbelievable great. I don't even know how someone can lie so well about their feeling when you are so vulnerable.
The other part the mix my thinking is that I try to picture that maybe H said all that and has been coming and going, and does not just end all this because he wants to have a better financial outcome from when the D is final.
That he was pretending to be all friend because he wants me to be in good faith with him and facilitate it to him.
Will love your toughs and anyone else's opinion of what should I do next that will help to have some chance that we can still work our M.
