Riding the rollercoaster

[Hoju]

The post about my new job was just an example to try and give you an idea of how to place yourself into her shoes. Perhaps you can think of a time when you blindsided a family member or friend with a selfish act? I'm sure you've never done anything to the same magnitude of your W but the same basic feelings should apply.

I think we all feel blindsided and ask why didn't she just say something. Your W no doubt was telling you but not in a way you understood. In my sitch my W told me directly she was unhappy, as a concerned husband I would ask why? Is it your job? The house? Family/friends? Me? She would just say no to everything. She would tell me the "spark" was gone, I had no idea what this meant, we had been together 10 years and weren't into each other like we were at 18 but we still had plenty of good sex, held hands, kissed, laughed. She would say I can't talk to you about anything and I go to anyone else for support other then you, once again as a concerned husband I would say what can't you talk to me about? Why do you feel I don't support you? She would say nothing or I don't know. All the while she is saying these things she is working on a photo album of my baby pictures with my mom, then a week later it's "I love you but..."

Signs can slap you right in the face and you, exactly like me, likely just ignored them because doing the work of figuring out what the real problem was just too much effort. You need to own your mistakes in the relationship, you need to understand and forgive. I've met plenty of people who 10 years down the road are still fighting with there ex's because they refused to ever let go.