MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

Seems unrealistic for you to find a place to live that can accommodate 3 kids when you have custody while you don't have a job.

Yep. Totally unrealistic. She has offered to buy me out of my share of the house and to do so in incremental monthly payments that would cover my living expenses -- that's how badly she wants me out of the house ASAP. I have agreed to the total amount for the buyout but have refused to accept those buyout terms on the grounds that I want to know that I can fully support myself (with a fulltime job) without relying on payments from her to do so.

Have you had any discussion as to how you will share custody? Also who is currently the primary child care provider, who does the lunches, follows up on homework and test, takes them to practices...

We are planning 50/50, week on/week off split. Right now I am the primary caregiver although she does take them to sports practices. Her MLC behavior (and I suspect depression symptoms) result in her sleeping late every morning (so I am doing all of the work getting them ready for school and off to school) and coming home from work late after I've already put them to bed (which means I pick up from school, make dinner and feed them, handle baths, homework, reading before bed, and tucking in.)

She also pays for everything except for the utilities that are in my name and my health insurance. Up until October when my parttime work and consulting work started to really drop off, I also bought all of our groceries each week, and while I still run that errand every week I am using one of her cards to make those purchases because I no longer have the income to cover it.

Maybe to help releave your W of "some pressure" you could suggest a temporary Irish Divorce for the next few months where you live in separate bedrooms and don't speak but stay in the same house?

She's been sleeping on the sofa since BD. Her choice, but she uses it as a "poor me" excuse when talking to friends and some family about the sitch. We have a guest bedroom that she could use -- but it's easier to make people feel sorry for her if she can complain about still being on the sofa. Again -- her choice. I never kicked her out of the master bedroom and never told her that she had to stay on the sofa instead of the guest bedroom.

I have offered the option of something called birdnesting where we rent a one-bedroom apartment and swap out weeks -- one week she's in house with the kids and I'm in the apartment and the next week she's in the apartment while I'm in the house with the kids. I offered this as a temporary solution that would be the least disruptive option for the kids (who ARE the most innocent victims of her MLC) as it places the weekly moving around burden on the adults instead of the kids. She just rolled her eyes at that concept - she didn't say no, but didn't say yes or that she'd think about it either. She only wants to implement her own ideas about how to handle all of this -- she likes to control everything and wants a solid plan/timeline... And one of my 180s is to not allow her to control everything with this sitch. She has chosen an outcome (separation/divorce) that leaves me no choice -- so I am pushing back to have some choice in the how, when, where of everything related to separation/divorce. And this is making her very frustrated and angry with me.