train, 25yrs, others who kept up on my sitch

[Jefe]

"The money issue has always been hard for us. We are both very independent and it's SUPER hard for me to not contribute equally."
^^^And? Let it go. Is this kind of pettiness worth damaging your marriage over, or any other relationship in your life for that matter? Whether you want to save your marriage or not is not the issue here. It was a cup of coffee and a tank of gas. Let people do things for you, even if your angry at them. It may not even begin to come close to repairing the damage he caused but it certainly isn't causing more.

"It's easier for me to get angry about something like this than to tell him "I'm angry AGAIN that you did those horrible things to me"" But thats the truth, and your complaing about his lack of honesty down to how a cup of coffee meant for you was purchased yet you refuse to be completely honest about your feelings. You're not playing fair. He deserves as mush honesty from you as you expect from him.

"Jefe, I am totally stand offish to him about it. I will snap that I don't know why he has to be a LIAR and I always find out so why lie?" But you're angry about PAST lies. We've already established that the 2 incidences you brought up were not in fact LIES. Acting gracious towards him is just as much about healing you as anything else. If you WANT to start moving forward with your anger I would apologize for the coldness about this issue, and this issue only, and thank him for the gas and coffee. YOU will feel better, I promise.

"I guess (right or wrong) I felt like I was at a place where I was no longer in full DB'ing mode where I needed to STFU and not let my emotions show. For me that can't be maintained this long. I give credit to those that can do it. " Here's the thing that drives me crazy about this place sometimes. DBing this, DBing that... If you want to REALLY lose weight or become healthier you make lifestyle changes, permanent ones. If you just go "on a diet" as soon as you stop, your life and body will go right back to where it was. "DBing" (ugh I can't believe I even typed that) is no different. We can't do it for just a season, we have to make lifestyle changes, permanent ones. Sure there are some specific techniques we use in the early stages to rapidly loose some weight or get a spouses attention that we wont continue, but as a whole we don't have the luxury of going back to our "old" selves.

I am by no means telling you that you shouldn't hurt or don't have a right to be angry, you do and you should be. Twin, you helped me through a really dark period not but a few weeks ago. Mirror some of that same advice you gave me back into your own situation.

Take a look at the advice that Hope414 gave me a few days ago on this very subject. It's very wise. The "Vision Chart" she recommended has been helpful for me.