Strong EA after 2yrs M - trying to detach. #3

[Complex]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2527967#Post2527967


Very quick summary:

- EA discovered 2 weeks ago. Ongoing for 6 months. W told me about it at BD 6 months ago. After that she wanted to S because our M problems were deep.
- We married fast, 1 year T only, I moved for her. Very romantic 'vacation' love. I knew she's the one from the start.
- we weren't able to build on M much. Lacking deep communication, to much fighting and tension early on.
- I settled, she wanted more from her life. I lost myself in the M.
- EA got stronger and stronger. W lied about it.
- Her best friend supporting D
- W now rushing into D. No real D talk yet, but I know she thought everything through and made her decision to finally D me and to be with OM.
- W and OM seem to 'wait' for each other to legitimate their R
- Greencard application due in 2 months. Seems to be all the time I can buy.
- Family not involved yet (W has big awesome family)
- I have a very very hard time to detach after I found out she lied about OM, can't sleep, eat, work. DBing going well tho.

Probably mostly need help on "hard cases" where D is very close. What can I do to postpone? Even if she does hit rock bottom during D process her friend will support her. When family gets involved I think she will tell them "I thought everything through and I'm 100% sure about my decision, please respect it". (I know it's an assumption, she's a rather rational person tho).
I do NOT want D by the way. But I need ways to detach better and GAL. I have the problem that I don't have many friends here, mostly mutual, and no family. But I want to stay, going back home to Germany is not an option right now. She also is the bread giver. I make significantly less money, could barely survive on it. Mostly I think with my change of heart we could make this M work. But she is gone, completely gone.
I HAVE to detach and let it go. But I will DB and give this M my best shot so I won't regret in the end...I wish she could do the same.