MLCer and EA w/ OW

[Jer2911]

So I know that I've been going through all of the stages of grief since BD... and I know for a fact that my body was in shock for quite a while initially...

Lately I had started to think that I was finally in the Acceptance stage -- at least with accepting that my W has a major MLC, is engaged in an EA (soon to be PA) with OW, and that our old relationship/marriage is dead... I've come to accept all of that with the hope that as she progresses through the MLC that there might be some hope to build a new R/M int he future...

But now we are living in some weird limbo with her continuing this EA (but still not admitting it to anyone) while I still live in the house until I can find a full-time job and find a new place to live. What concerns me is that I'm afraid that this limbo existence might be shifting me back into the Denial stage of grief... If I am really honest with myself right now, there is a part of me that does sometimes deny that we are headed towards separation/divorce and that any day now she's going to wake up before I actually have to move out and we'll be able to start the hard work of rebuilding...

I'm afraid that until I actually move out, I won't fully be in the Acceptance stage of this process...

Maybe I'm just overanalyzing everything this morning and just need to get my coffee, wake up, and focus on work to take my mind off of all of this for a while...

On a positive note, I am enjoying doing the meditation in the mornings and I think within the past 24 hours I have been able to be a bit more patient with my kids and able to be a little more present with them. This is so hard on all of us, but my biggest priority right now is to have more patience with my kids and to not continue to allow my frustration over the sitch with W to cause me to be short-tempered with the kids. If I can accomplish that one thing I will begin to at least feel more successful in handling some of this mess.