Hello Pink. I hope you are doing better today. I said you feel like you don't want to have contact with him and you're right to feel that way. You would be right to do that as much as you can. You would be right, if you still want to leave a path open to R, to choose to be simply cordial to your H. You know what you have to do and it is so hard when you're angry and so hurt. I'm so sorry this is happening Pink. Please take care.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Obrigado por tantas palavras doces. Adorei a frase em portugues. E nao se preocupe, eu vou estar feliz de dancar um pouco da minha musica.
Eu tambem gostaria de te conhecer, nos dois temos o espirito um tanto selvagem. Com certeza seriamos bons amigos para sentar e tomar uma cerveja ou caipirinha.
Agora com certeza vou pensar em ti quando estiver dancando na sexta=feira. Te garanto que vou me divertir.
Obrigado, Abracos, Pink
Dear HP,
Thank you for all your sweet words. I loved the Portuguese sentence. And don't worry, I will be happy dancing a little of my music.
I also would like to meet you, we both have such a savage spirit. For sure we would be such good friends to seat down for a beer or "Caipirinhas".
Now, for sure I will be thinking of you when I will be dancing on friday. I promise you I will have fun.
Thanks for your kind words. I admire you too. You have been showing a very strong woman with a sweet soul. Life made us tough. I myself grew up on a farm, so I know tough.
But we have this delicate heart that needs to care after. The idea of a nice dress is with me. I am thinking to get some time and go shopping for a nice one. And I will look for some shoes this weekend.
At this time of the year is not all good to have those high hills. Most of the time I have boots on. They have hills too, but it's not the same thing.
Thanks for your kind words. I will do my best to face all these challenges with grace. It's hard but it's not the end of the world either. I just found out that my manager's H committed suicide on tuesday, he was not young and just lost his job. The guy could not deal with this and took the easy way out.
No, that is really bad. So I put into a new perspective, that things could be worse.
It will be a day by day recovery, but it's not impossible. It just seems that way because I am hurting a lot right now.
Hi Pink, I have just read your news and I am so sorry. Your H needs a good kick up the ar@e. I feel your pain and would like nothing more than to be there with you and give you all the hugs you could take.
I can see everyone has come to your support and there are some great people on here.
Please, please believe that you will be happy again. Its not going to be soon but its off in the distance and with your strength and courage you will get there sooner than later.
It seems clear to me that you, (along with most on here) do not deserve this from your H. Ok you might not have been the perfect wife but who is and no matter what your H believes you did or did'nt do in your marraige he could have had the guts to leave, deal with his feelings and THEN decide to look for someone else AFTER you two have decided the M was over.
Please do not let your H's selfish actions reflect on you. The way he has been acting towards you recently had me hoping that yours might be a sucess story and that makes me even more upset for you.
YOU DO NOT DESERVE THIS !!!!!!!!! None of us do but please take your time and reflect on whats best for you and yours.
You are in the driving seat now, your H has been shown as a liar and a cheat and thats something he has to live with.
Pink is worth more than this and you will get much more one day.
I wish my words could heal the pain but please know that I, along with all the others, would be there for you in a heartbeat if it was possible.
Post often because it important that we know how you are doing.
please take extra care and all the hugs and x's in the world.
Sorry if the post was a bit long but you are a very special person and I want you to know that just because we hav'nt met you matter to me (along with the rest of DB crew)
My lovely Pink, this is just the start of the new way forward. You have been very brave and I am going to tell you that I ran into H with his OW in a local pub. It was hurtful but also quite funny to see H behave like a nasty little squirmy fox. OW's H was there too.
I cried for a long time and fretted. H was indignant and wanted to keep his eyes on V. It was irritating. H threaten divorce, V got her fins agreed. It has all calmed down again. H is still compulsive but we are still S in the same house.
Please Pink drop the catastrophe thinking, you may now have the upper hand over the weasle behaviour of your H. Having an A is despicable nothing absolutely nothing excuses such wayward behaviour. It is simply the most awful experience and I remember the terrible time following this.
Think carefully, keep evidence, I wished I had kept a photo or copy of the emails. Sneaky H deleted these before I could get a copy. Consult an L about what you need and move quickly.
Avoiding H will work for a short time until you get your head together.
Pink let us rehearse what you will do when you do run into him.
If you are not ready then 'H I am not ready to speak to you and I feel it would be very damaging if we talk now. Please do not contact me until I let you know by text that I am ready to talk. I would like you to leave now.'
That is more or less what I said to my H. We have not talked about this since, I let him sit in his own guilt. I let it go because its scum bag behaviour stuff and frankly I will not let him excuse it or explain it away. OW turned out to be a fish wife drama queen so I let the conversation die when they had a drunken fight in my holiday home in the middle of the night. A 94 year old neighbour let me know about it and I made him apologise for the noise, but it was clear I knew what was going on.
These waywards have no brain cells, they make as much sense as an adolescent not wanting to eat, bath or do more than grump. There is no making this junk up.
Pink, this will be unbearable but you are welcome to rest in Vanilla's heart as long as you want.
Tenderness
Vanilla
Last edited by Vanilla; 01/22/1505:38 PM.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
H is the one that wants it (divorce), then he can file.
I agree.
So you know, my wife had a full blown affair with the guy I thought was my best friend at the time. Pretty sure she had a few other flings as well.
And we were seperated for about a year.
That was...8 or 9 years ago. The fact that I cannot remember exactly should indicate how it doesn't actually eat you up for the rest of your life.
8 or 9 years ago and we are still married and she is my best friend.
If you are like my friend, you can do whatever you want and succeed.
But if you are going to work on being married, that passion that drives you and fuels you...a nice way of saying your temper : ). You're going to have to harness that in a way that helps you in your goal not hinders you.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
You are back... and sound really good. I was so worry about you. You disappeared for so many days. Vanilla, Toots and I were even thinking that you got all mad with us because we started having some fun on your thread.
As usual, it's good and comforting to hear from you. You are right and I am sure I do not deserve all this. I have my nagging and I am probably a control freak, but I know I had a lot of responsibility in my hands and I couldn't just let go. And every time I did, things would fall apart.
I will take my time to reflect and try to make some sense of my decisions. Right now it feels that more then half of me wants to just be done with all this. But, for the sake of 18 years together and maybe my idiot H is an MLCer. I will give it a chance to stand until it can't wait no longer.
Today I feel a little better. No much, but it's sunny and not as cold. H picked up the kids this morning but didn't get there earlier and got into the house as usual. So he is getting it that he needs to give me some space for now.
I tough about what to say and what to do if talking to him gets inevitable. I just hope to get some rest this weekend. I am so tired this week.
And RD, I accept the XOXOs you want to give me. It's very amazing how it feel so good to know that someone cares. Even if it is online chat.
You all make a lot of difference in my life, I am so thankful I found this forum because I feel stronger with all the comfort words and advices I get here.
So V, I am dropping the catastrophic thinking, the poor me behavior, the crying baby.
As you know I am a strong girl. It's when I suffer the most that I feel stronger. I have something inside me that does not allow myself to drop.
I need to get this. Everyone says that the ball is on my field now and that H is feeling miserable because he was caught. Toots even said that the dynamic of his A will be different because now him and the OW knows that I know.
You say: "Consult a L to see what you need and move quickly." By Colorado law no one need to have a cause to file for a D. Even when a H or W have an affair, it doesn't matter. The A won't be used during the D. If there are expenses related to another person in the R, then you can argue that those were not expenses inside the M or for the family, but that's about it.
I agree with your words to let H knows I am not ready to talk to him. Most because I don't want him to feel good so fast. And because I may blow up on him. So, if he insists in the "talk", I will politely let him know I am not ready for such conversation.
No the rehearsal: H may push for D - I still need to meet with the 3rd L to check if everyone is in the same page regarding my rights on this. Do I just tell this to H and ask him to wait until I am done? Do I say to him that if he is in a hurry to just file and serve me?
I file for a D - to protect my kids and I regarding to our finances, I should file. By 2 L opinions they say it is very important to file now. They even said that there are many clients that stop the D process or reconcile after the D, so it is not an impediment. I am not very sure. Filing for D seems so definitive and my fear kicks in.
When I am ready - Here I have no clue. Do I text him and say I want to talk? Do I let him to call again and then agree to talk? When I meet him, let him talk, listen, and do my best to react to what he says? If he talks about the D, just say to him to file it and when served I will agree or contest it?
The problem I see is that I have no idea of what is going on in his mind. Is he going to try to explain anything to me? or maybe he will say that he told me about the OW before and he really wants to move on and we need to settle our situation?
I don't know what is coming, and I don't know how to prepare myself for what is coming. I think I feel too much rejection and I can't even consider that the jerk has any feelings for me.
I feel like he is ready to wipe me off of his life for good and that he feels I am a big boulder in his shoe. Because I feel this way I feel there is no hope.
But then I remember just by Christmas when he came all love, love and told me that he was very confused and he couldn't just take me out of his life. And the love he gave me was unbelievable great. I don't even know how someone can lie so well about their feeling when you are so vulnerable.
The other part the mix my thinking is that I try to picture that maybe H said all that and has been coming and going, and does not just end all this because he wants to have a better financial outcome from when the D is final.
That he was pretending to be all friend because he wants me to be in good faith with him and facilitate it to him.
Will love your toughs and anyone else's opinion of what should I do next that will help to have some chance that we can still work our M.
