The loss of my wife and friend, the pain that it will cause the kids, the not knowing if she is dating, if I date will it affect her, not seeing my children 50% of the time, lack of coping mechanisms (healthy ones) on my part, telling our friends and family, legal matters...
The loss of you wife and friend. Yes. Totally s*cks. Hurts like a m*ther-f*cker. I'm sorry. I really am. I've been there. It's not fair and it's cruel. The only way out of this is through it. No one said life would be easy. This is your one great trial.
It will hurt your kids. No doubt. A divorce will hurt them terribly. But then you can't stop your wife from crapping over all your kids so she can "find herself" and/or pursue another man. You can't stop that. Right now your wife is being a flaming piece of sh*t. Start viewing her that way. In fact, get a little mad and be the papa-bear you need to be to protect yourself and your kids AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. Again, you can't prevent your kids from living in a broken home ON YOUR OWN. But you can be the sane parent. Be that parent.
Well she's either dating or she's not. If she isn't, she's still being a turd to hurt you and your kids. If she's cheating on you, she's being a particularly horrific breed of sub-human turd. Her behavior seems to indicate she's dating.
DO NOT date anyone now. It's stupid, immoral and hypocritical.
Yes, you probably won't see your children 50% of the time. That [censored] for you and your kids. Your wife doesn't give a sh*t, because she's on her little crazy-making adventure. What makes someone do that? Umm...maybe an affair. On the other hand, if you are smart and get a lawyer, you will see them 50% of the time, and not every other weekend as most dads get stuck with when their wives decide to start screwing the pool boy.
Find healthy coping mechanisms: 1. Friends and family. 2. A vigorous activity that demands our full attention like rock climbing, karate, boxing, etc. (It's hard to worry about your wife when you are ducking a punch from your opponent). 3. See a good therapist. 4. Go to church, synagogue, etc. (connecting with God is always helpful.
Telling your friends and family. Don't be a meagaphone, but don't protect your wife or shield her from the consequences of her actions. IF people ask, say, "Darla is moving out because she needs some time for herself. She's not very happy in the marriage."
Legal matters. GO SEE A LAWYER ASAP. Trust me on this.
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She has stated things like "I want you to find someone" "I cannot love you the way that you do me" and "I do not see myself with you for the rest of my life"
Sounds like she's cheating on you. Who else says things like this? It's not about your problems, it's not about your being a good dad or good provider. It's about her being romantically satisfied with a "deep emotional connection" Either she's found it with someone else or she's planning to real soon. The fact that she wants you to find someone is almost proof positive she's cheating.
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I want to wait for her and give her this time to figure "herself" out but God I so miss the touch of a woman who cares for me.
Well if you tell her you'll be a good little boy and wait for her while she finds herself while exploring life with her new soul-mate/f*ck-buddy, then she'll take you for granted, despise you more and walk all over you emotionally, legally, and custody-wise. She needs to get the sense that you are ready to move on and that SHE CAN LOSE you and that losing you has CONSEQUENCES.
Try the Last Resort Technique TO THE LETTER.
Then try the AFTER THE LAST RESORT technique (going dark).
Then, give her an ultimatum.
Have your lawyer lined up before giving an ultimatum.
In the meantime, I recommend you check out the Chump Lady website for a good laugh and a unique perspective on cheating spouses.
