Happiness Can Exist Only In Acceptance

[HPoirot]

Hello Andy, Karma, LITB, Vapo, and Vanilla. Me and S12 did end up going outside into the snow to get batteries for one of his toys (they turned out to be dead but so what). He was in a sad and agitated way after getting frustrated with his guitar practice. I was getting frustrated too so the ride really helped us both. He cheered up to his happy self soon. I'm getting there. We're watching an Indiana Jones movie so it's all good now. But he's still sad... still wanting this to be fixed. It's not going to be fixed.

We've been in the condo a little over a month. I'm much better than I was when I first walked in here. Still a long way to go, but my mind is much calmer. No more shakes... no more out of control anger. I get a full nights sleep now. I don't feel overwhelming sadness. I made a slow cooker steak and gravy and mashed potatoes for dinner. I can be much more productive... but I think by next week I'll be at 85%. On my way up.

No I'm not on my GAL plan. IC mentioned that yesterday. The Crossfit was fine and I need it... but I'm not interested. I'm not sure what I'd be really, passionately, obsessively interested to do in this city right now. I want to find that thing.

That's always been my problem here in winter. I want a sunny, warm beach and seawater. I love to go for long swims in the evening. Swimming in the rain is even better. I could do that everyday. If I had that GAL would be easy.

Hello Vanilla. Thank you again for your wonderful words. I've known my OW since we were 10 years old. If we weren't young and afraid, we probably would've been married young and then made all the same mistakes with each other that we've made in our Ms. That's what she said yesterday. That... and we're from the same skin. I've left her as a memory 4 times so far in my life.

So, when my IC said what she said about my OW, I'm sure it was b/c she simply heard what I said.

I don't know what happens next.

I feel like I have everything and nothing.