Strong EA after 2 yrs M #2 - The journey begins

[Complex]

You are a good teacher 25yr. At least my thinking is different from my action. So far I did DB wel and I sticked with it. But yeah, you are right. Just a few days. I need to be consistent or it's worth ZERO.
I know he is the symptom of our problems but our problems run very very deep.
We actually might have really failed to ever create the deep connection a M needs to withstand the decades. We lost it after our "romantic" lve and didn't build on it.
Sure IF we survive this, then we have sth to build on. But the only recomcilliation scenario is that OM is completely gone, her friends stops opposing M and we reconnect through her will and her effort. Pretty unrealistic scenario. Going back what we had before doesn't exist. That's not the goal anyway. I just don't see it right now, which is natural I guess.

I will keep working on myself. I wish I could just get out of this deep whole and stop PRETENDING my DB actions, but rather LIVE THEM, become happy through them and have a life again. Then pain is still in the way and the knowledge about the never existing deep connection.

I don't pretend to know, of course I don't know it all, but it's very likely now that W and OM will legitimate their love for each other through "waiting". I know my wife well enough that she actually thought everything through very very well and made it a decision. She is a smart person and pretty reasonably thinking (for most part). She just lacks emotional intelligence, empathy and some ability to show her feelings. Very rational person in general.

With all the self improvement we are doing we can't alao forget that we are humans. And we are GOOD people with big hearts.
I just need that to be said. Bc I keep forgetting that I ALREADY AM a great person.


Btw can you please read my DB encounter from yesterday night? I'm still wondering if I did that ok or if there's anything I could've done differently?
It seems like she is at least wondering how I'm doing after we both being dark for a few days.