[Georgiabelle]

^^^Exactly. Bright, my xh used to laugh about people who aired their dirty laundry on social media. He used to ridicule men who dated much younger women. I guess you know where I'm going. :-) I had friends watch the implosion of my M on Twitter and OW discuss my....female area on Twitter. Last I checked, she never saw it:)

It's attention. They have an opportunity to portray themselves exactly the way they want on social media. It's a platform if sorts for them to show their new friends how happy and witty they are.

[BrightFuture]

Job, I’m not trying to change H’s perspective on life. I know that he would still maintain his happy façade. He is quite good at that, always been. I just want to have a little fun. I know he’s trying very hard to maintain this happy face. And I don’t think he can compete with me in having fun. He just simply doesn’t have money for it.

I would not invite him as a friend. I just know that there are some mutual friends or friends of friends, so he will mostly likely know I’m out there.

GB, thanks for stopping by. Exactly what H used to do, giving some grief to our mutual friend for marring “a youngster” (26 years younger woman who gave him a baby when he was 58.) And nevertheless, he tried to hook up with her cousin, who is 17 younger than H. Go figure.

I’m actually feeling like GGG used to feel about her sitch. Like doing some experiment with amoeba, LOL. And observing it from outside.

So, here we go… The recent update. I sent H an updated company file about a week ago and told him that if could pay the credit card expenses before the 15th, they could be deducted for tax purposes, according to our company accountant. He replied almost after one week (meaning, he didn’t open his e-mails) in a text message that if I would give him the loging and pw info for the CC account, he would get it done. I gave him this info a few month ago when he took over for paying the bills for HIS business expenses. Well, I guess he forgot and didn’t want to dig out that info. It is easier to ask me, right…

Anyway, I sent him the info and also told him that the car insurance is about to get renewed and they need the mileage info on all cars. I wrote to him that I need the mileage for his vehicles if he wants to maintain the current police. If not, let me know. There was a silence for a couple of days.

Today, I got a text from H telling me that he cannot send e-mails and in parenthesis this phrase “start laughing now”. He then informs me that the updated company file will be coming from our mutual friend’s (female) account. Then he gives me the mileages for the cars. And asks me to let him know what coverage he has before he pays his amount. Dah… He changed his coverage last year to liability only. There is nothing much he can do any further to lower the bills. I guess he forgot about it.

Then he sent me another text telling me about money transfer for the condo mortgage. At least he is consistent about that (toady is the 15th of the month.) I replied to both texts saying thank you. Then I asked a question “why would I start laughing about email?” Then told him that I would let him know about the car insurance when I get the bill.

I decided to experiment, asking him a question to see if he would answer it. And he did! Here is his response “Because I couldn’t figure out how to send an email from my computer. Typical [censored] me”

Ha, is this a low self-esteem remark or just complaining? I sent the text back “Oh no, give yourself some credit. It worked before, right”. I thought I could test if he would engage in the conversation. Maybe it was not the best validation or response, IDK. I didn’t get anything back. Oh well… This was just an experiment.

When I got home I checked my e-mails that I had 2 e-mails from him. First one from a couple of days ago (which I assume didn’t go because he could not sent e-mails, LOL.) And the second one from today, telling to disregard his first e-mail, and that our mutual (female) friend was able to fix his computer and that he was able to send the company file. Also, asking me to let him know what else he might need to do.

From all of this:
- He still wants to maintain the joint car insurance (BTW, I was totally prepared for him to split on this)
- He wants to maintain the joint company business
- He complained about his inability to send an e-mail
- He mentioned our mutual friend
- He was quite pleasant in all his communication (texts and e-mails), addressing me by name

What do I make out of it? Nothing… I’m just experimenting… And I actually starting to have some fun with it… Is it weird?

Oh, and I’ve scheduled a consultation with the D attorney on Friday thru work benefits. It is a free 30 min consultation. I have a few questions I need answers for before I decide whether I need to file for D or separation, or still wait and not file. All I want is to separate my finances and make sure the money I put aside in savings through work are not going to be divided in the future. I want to know my options. I still want H to file for D and have ball in his court on this. But, I’m not discounting the possibility to filing on my own. Any suggestions what I need to ask?

I might have some typos and grammatical error here, but I’m not reviewing my post… Sorry… Had a happy hour with my coworkers tonight, and a couple of glasses of wine…

[job]

Bright,
When something isn't working, it's okay to try something different. You sound like you are now in a different place and his responses aren't bothering you as much. It takes time to detach and you are doing it slowly but surely.

Your h really doesn't want to separate things because he knows that he can rely on you to take care of things. Look at what he's asked for (again) and you provided him the info (again). His memory is mush and it's going to be that way for quite some time.

I'm glad to see he's able to send emails/texts again. Poor man. No, it's not weird at all to have a little bit of fun in trying something new to see if it will work...just keep the expectations low or on zero.

I'm glad you are getting out w/your co-workers.

[BrightFuture]

Didn’t realize the word in H’s text would be censored. He pretty much called himself “dumbsh!t”. And when I tried to validate, there was no answer. I think this must be the way H feels these days, who knows. This is why he is trying so hard to connect on FB to see if he would get some validation and “likes”. But, at the same time he was able to figure out (not without an outside help, I think) how to use FB on his phone. This is huge for H. I think he is slowly discovering that the life style he envisioned for himself (away from civilization, with no computer or phone) is not going to work for him, as it is very lonely.

I went to see a D attorney yesterday for a 30 min consultation, using company benefit. I was hoping that it would give me a clear picture what would be beneficial for me and what I need to do. Unfortunately, the things I leant are not going to make the whole thing easy.

Have to go shopping for the shoes (to wear at the company party next week) now. Will post the rest later.

[Mighty]

Bright, my friend!

You sound like you are doing well. And you've become quite the scientist! I dig it. I have been trying to do things a little differently, myself. I will be interested to see you your experiments go!

Now, about fb... I'm telling you.... it really should be called fakebook. Don't sweat it, girly. He doesn't know what he's doing. He is probably posting to get responses. In that, he is probably looking for validation and for direction. Since he is lost, he's probably putting himself out there in hopes that he will find some answers.

I know what you mean about feeling like your son is getting denied or ignored. Don't take it personally for your son... he is probably just a reminder of the attachment your h thinks he is separating himself from. It is sad, no doubt, but part of it. Matt, Gwen, myself, and many others feel is too when we see our s walk away from their own kids. It is very difficult, and as momma bear, I know how it feels.

I hope your son is doing ok with everything.

You sound good, Bright! Keep it up! Happy hour, shoe shopping... wooo hooo!

[BrightFuture]

Mighty, thanks. I’ve always been a scientist. I don’t know how I discovered the things I discovered, but my intuition always steered me in some direction… After the BD I was not so sure about my intuition, but now I’m slowly regaining this ability.

I’ve been having some down days recently. I went shopping for the shoes and dress to wear at the party this weekend. I was looking at myself and not liking it. I put on some weight and it looks like I aged a lot in the past year. So, the things I had in mind were not looking good on me anymore. This is upsetting. I’m still going to have fun at the party though.

So, the update about the attorney visit. He told me that I don’t need to worry about my house and any money that I’ve been saving since the day of separation, which I count from the BD day. In my state, we are considered separated even though there are no legal papers filed yet. This was a big relieve. But, at the same time some other info stopped me from considering filing for D or legal separation (which in my state have the same effect in terms of dividing assets and debt.) I was hoping that by filing for legal separation I could still be a joint condo owner, so my son would have some right to it. I was told that even if I file for legal separation, the process is still the same as D. It will have to go through the courts, and even if we agree to not change anything on the condo mortgage, the court will most likely force us still divide it. H will either have to refi it and take me off the mortgage, or we will have to sell it to divide the assets.

The problem is that H most likely will not be able to refi it. First, he hasn’t made enough money last year, second, the property is in Mexico, so there are limited options for banks that can do the mortgage. He will not be able to sell it either, because it is way under water. So, my guess is if he is forced to do something about it, he will be asking me to split the house as well, even though he signed it off to me and I have the mortgage on my name only. I know this could open a can of worms… Plus, I would hate to do it to H, leave him homeless. Even though he is kind of homeless already, LOL.

I’m still processing this info to see if I can find any solution.

On another note, my son and his GF are going to the vacation home this weekend. There are going to be the off-roads races. I would normally go too, but this year they changed the date and it happens to be on the same weekend as my company party. I’m actually thinking maybe it is better this way. Maybe my son and H can connect somewhat. Will see. I will have to “interrogate” my son’s GF when they come back, because my son would normally not say much.

And, I activated my FB account and sent a couple of friends requests. This is officially my scientific (social) experiment now. I’m finally taking advice from my DB coach…

[job]

Bright,
I would look into the issue of the house. If your h signed off on the house to you and the mortgage is in your name, I don't think he could come back and ask you to sell it. Once he's signed off on the house and it was done legally, in my state, they can't come back for a split on it. As for the condo, yes, something would have to be done about it further down the road if you filed for a legal separation/divorce.

You sound like you are looking forward to the company party. I'm glad to see this. I wouldn't worry too much about "aging". I'm sure that once your situation settles down and the stressors are gone, you'll be looking like yourself once again. Who knows, some nice looking man may come up and hit on you at the party. Just go and have a wonderful time. Life is far too short not too.

Good luck w/your latest lab experiment. It will be interesting to see if the fish nibbles the bait. LOL!

[BrightFuture]

Job, same here in my state, he can't legally come after the house. He is probably kicking himself for signing it off to me. Too bad... He did it with good intentions. This is why I have such a hard time thinking that he could possibly loose the vacation home in a D process.

I am looking forward to the party, in spite the thing that I don't have much energy these days.

Thanks for your support. I can always count on your replies. This morning I was in a good shape after reading your post.

And while I'm typing this... H just sent a text, asking me to get a couple of items for our mutual friends at the vacations home. He said that he will ask my son to pick them up and bring them over, along with his mail. And he thanked me "in advance".

This is interesting... This means that the things were discussed between H and mutual friends. They know my son is coming for sure (I didn't update them on this), they felt comfortable asking me thorough H and not directly, and he felt comfortable asking me for them. Too much thinking, I know .

[Mighty]

Well Bright, being amicable is good- the fact that everyone feels comfortable communicating that way. But, are you? Man, you think so much like I do. Just be careful. Please, Bright. I looked into some of the communication as caring, but it doesn't mean so. I am sure he does, but.... I don't know.... just be careful. Take if for what it is.

I am so happy that your s is going there. I think you are right that it will be a nice opportunity for interaction between the two of them. Like I said before, that your h probably associates s with you, and that is prob the reason for the distance. So this will be a good thing, I'm sure.

I know what you mean about energy. I think I put so much of it into analyzing and thoughts, that I don't leave much room for more, sometimes. It is weird for me, because I am a naturally high-energy person. Now, I'm like... blah... sometimes. The cold weather doesn't help anymore, either. It never used to bother me.

And another thing... I feel like I've aged so much the past year! Doesn't help that hww is in her frigggin mid 20's! And stress had hurt me!YUCK! Giving me a complex. But, I am sure I make it worse than it is. And I am sure you are as hot as ever. (I recall reading this just a few month back! So don't sweat it, your hotness! (see that play on words! ha!)

Keep going, Bright. Keep doing the parties and things like that. It is so good for you. The job and everything- helping you come out of your shell and show the world just how amazing, smart, and beautiful you are.

I read about how you are doing it and it encourages me. I feel the same drag and difficulties, but you pull yourself through and still get out there. That's admirable, bright. It keeps others going even when it's difficult, because they see you doing it.

I can't wait to hear how it goes. I hope you have fun! Enjoy yourself... hot@ss!

[BrightFuture]

Oh, Mighty, I was almost crying reading your post. Thank you so much for all compliments, I need this these days. And thank you for taking the time to post to me, especially considering what’s going on in your own sitch.

I’m doing good at work and everything, I just started to feel like the time is slipping away and I’m still at the same place I was 2 ½ years ago. Then I think more, and I know that I’m not in the same place. I’m actually in a lot better place.

I read about how you are doing it and it encourages me. I feel the same drag and difficulties, but you pull yourself through and still get out there. That's admirable, bright. It keeps others going even when it's difficult, because they see you doing it.

Wow, I never thought I would be an encouragement like this. Thank you. One thing I can say is that always felt things to the deepest and went through some really hard feelings of devastation in my life, but I always pulled through for a better life. I’m sure I will do it this time too. It is just taking a lot longer this time.

I think you are so right about H associating my son with me. Especially after my son told him 6 months after the BD “whatever you do, don’t keep my Mom in limbo”. To which H’s response was asking me if I misunderstood our sitch and was having hopes that the R could be fixed. The truth is that at BD, H’s words were like “let’s separate and then see”. 6 month later he was surprised that I interpreted it the way it was said and didn’t understand that our M was OVER.

Anyway, I think you are spot on about H and my son. This coming weekend should be interesting. Either H will do his own things and let my son and his GF do theirs, or he invites them to go out with him and do stuff he will do. Will see.

I didn’t interpret H’s text as caring. I just thought that it was interesting that he felt comfortable doing it. Normally he would try to avoid something like that, I think. But, I don’t know anymore.

He keeps posting on FB about the fun things he’s been doing. This is still so weird, I have to slap myself to make sure I’m not dreaming. I think he is trying very hard to present himself as a happy guy, living his dream. Maybe the first person he is trying to convince of this is himself… Oh, and just wait until I file for D or separation and he looses his condo ...

And speaking about OW who is younger… I thought of the movie “It’s Complicated”. I love that movie. Except, Mighty, you are a lot younger than the character in the movie. I’m sure you are as hot as you are tough.

BTW, I can totally be a hot@ss Just give me some motivation ...