No worries. I read it. Thank you so much!!! BD actually was very horrible but I was in denial and me and W still had a life and she actually tried for a month. Finding out what the real reason was/is (big EA) was way harder, and that she lied to me and still does. And that is still very fresh.
Sorry to hammer this, but the "real reason" are the reasons YOU Listed elsewhere. The A is a symptom of the marital problems, NOT the cause.
Deep down you already know this.
When you remember this^^ and remind yourself of it every single day if you must,
is so you will stay focussed on YOUR Work and YOUR Issues and NOT deflect your attention away from that and onto OM.
He's NOT your issue. Don't lose sight of that. Embrace the face that you are who you must work on b/c that is empowering.
I wonder today if I should ask for her to be open to me to stop my pain and tell her that I want her to be truthful at least. Stop.
You are getting frantic to "do SOMETHING" and that's NOT advisable. Listen to the tape of the DB coach session 5 more times and calm yourself down. Go back to YOUR OWN Program and work it.
Stop pretending that her telling you how SHE Feels about OM will "Stop" your pain. I promise you that it will NOT stop your pain; it'll increase it. And annoy her AND it's also NOT in alignment with your DB program...remember?
How long have you done ANY single approach? Has it even lasted a few days?
No wonder she has trouble believing you are changing. No offense but the more you make this about OM, the more you are pretending there is nothing YOU can do to improve things. That's not true and that's not a position of strength.
She might actually do it. I guess it's against DB bc it's validating the A. But Look at your words...you know it's against DBing BUT BUT BUT..."
"but" means to negate whatever you said just before. Stop this complex. Really, get a grip on yourself.
Get back on track and STAY on track.
I feel like it's over anyway and I might as well get it over with and let her tell me why she's doing all this. Honesty would feel very good right now.
What is it you are pretending not to know?
According to her (and according to you)
You got depressed, you stopped working on your career and you became lazy and you seemed to have no direction. You were not as attentive or supportive to her and eventually she felt very burdened and frustrated and then....she met OM.
Why does having her tell you all this, again, or about how great OM is, make you think it would help?
I hope someone reads what happened yesterday and is able to give me some advise on my lasts posts.
Love, Complex
She isn't cruel and doesn't want to just dump you. But she has feelings of pity for you and compassion. So to YOU she seems confused. MAYBE she is.
IF she is confused, that's great news for you. Stop pressing for more.
You are acting as if the DB coaching taught you nothing. Is that true?
IF you got something out of it, then listen to it again & again and stop making yourself crazy. Work the program b/c the program works.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
