As much as i plan on fighting to get her back, she's so headstrong that I doubt it will happen.
Do you have a plan on how to "fight" to get her back?
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All i want is for her to see me in a different light, accept my love, and give me a chance to prove that I can make her happy. Having things out of my control is just such a horrific feeling and the thoughts of being without her has made me literally sick. I can't even eat right now.
One of the first things we learn in Divorce Busting is that we cannot control the other person. That goes especially true for out spouses. Most of us discover we are more of a controller than we even realized.
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Not to mention she has a husband that loves her so much he would do anything for her....aside from let her go.
So maybe you are a stubborn, also? I know you don't want to even think about letting her go, but please start accepting the fact that we cannot make another person love us, if they don't want to. And why would you want to be with someone who doesn't love you just as much as you love her? Think about it, Frank. Life is too short.
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I emailed her 2 really long, heart felt emails a few days ago. She replied last night just to acknowledge that she read them and thanking me for the thoughts and she'll reply "in a few days" because hse's not ready yet. I think the hardest thing is that the night before she left, she brought my home a milkshake, we laughed and everything seemed "fine" and then the next day i get this email.
Strange how things can turn around in a relationship. Remember in your first post where you admitted whenever she would try to discuss certain things you would hope it would be "forgotten" the next day and then you would never bring the subject back up? Do you realize how disrespectful, rude, cold, and uncaring that is for a H do think that about the one who is vowed to cherish her forever? So now, the tables have turned and you are getting antsy that she is putting on hold what you want to discuss now? Hummmmm
Frank, I am a former WAW, and a lot of what I may say will be with the hopes of giving you that viewpoint from your W. However, I think I can speak for most women when I tell you that putting her feelings and concerns on the shelf, hoping it wouldn't come again....is extremely painful to a W. It took years for her to get to the place she's at now, and she has changed. She is no longer the same woman you married. Do you get it? What you thought worked in the past is not going to get it done now. Nothing may work, IDK. We can tell you what your best shot will be, but you will be the one to have to get it through your head.
This woman has suffered, and is still suffering, and she may believe you are a great source of it. Again, IDK, but I know she has decided she is through with you for a reason. My first thought is that your behavior toward her has caused her to feel a lot of pain. Justified or not, she is blaming you for part of her unhappiness. Even though you tried to apologize and take 100% blame, I think you will discover that it just isn't enough at this time. In other words, it is going to take much, much more for her to be able to return a relationship she believes is doomed. And, the more you try to talk to her, convincing her it can work....the more you are pushing her further away. Please believe me. You will not be able to talk yourself out of this situation. Talking will not work now.
You need a plan. What can you do if talking is out of the picture? What can you do if you can't control her? What do you see as not ever letting her go? What do you see as fighting for this M? When you get real, what can you do about how she feels? What can you do if she divorces you?
I am not asking these questions to be hateful or hurtful, b/c I realize you must be in terrible pain and frustrated to come to this board and try to express what you have shared. I ask these questions to get you to think, maybe a little differently than you first started out.
Trying to persuade her to listen to what you say is, in a sense, trying to control her decisions. Ever thought about it? We all do it, unless it's one or two who have learned better. And, you will learn, too, Frank. It takes time to grasp all of this. DBing is a new way of thinking and acting.
Hope you will come back and post often. I believe you can have a new MR with your W.
Oh btw, I am still with my H, and this board deserves a lot of credit for my M surviving.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
And, you will learn, too, Frank. It takes time to grasp all of this. DBing is a new way of thinking and acting. 