I thought I'd give it a go since I haven't had much luck finding an IC. The first one (who I saw within a week of BD) was a little too tough love about the whole thing. It was basically "He's gone, he's made his decsion, he's not coming back and you need to accept it." In subsequent sessions she really pushed how happy kids could be in a divorce. I accept that you can make the best of the circumstances for the kids, I really do, but I simply couldn't subscribe to the notion that it wouldn't be a huge challenge and the that the odds of there being issues didn't just increase.
The second one just whipped out his prescription pad and wanted to put me on anti-depressants despite the fact that I don't feel depressed and am not showing any signs of depression other than some sleep issues (that are easily treated without hardcore meds)
That's been a big part of my hesitation in going back to IC. The first MC we had just talked about personality types and helped us (kind of) identify our types and then encouraged us to read more about them. It kind of reinforced everything taht was wrong rather than encouraging us to grow. When I called her in a panic asking her if I was wasting my time trying to save the marriage, she said "I feel sorry for you," two or three times. The second one... well, everybody who was here in September got to hear all about that. Twice bitten, third time shy? But I've consistently heard good things about DivorceCare.
I told several people I wanted to save my marriage and got way more than the two heads stare, but so what? It's my life.
After Harry Potter is Spyderwick Chronicles, then Narnia, then a couple of stand alone books, then Artemis Fowl, possibly Percy Jackson, and hopefully some classics. By the time I'm finished reading S7 will be 13 and dying to get away from me.. (I already read all of these except Spyderwick to D11; she got The Mysterious Benedict Society, which is WAY too difficult to read aloud... if you want more children's recommendations let me know!)
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
Oh my gosh, D7 just finished the Percy Jackson series!! She loved it! She just started the new Richard Riordan series last night and is already on page 208!!!
She also loved Spiderwick Chronicles, Harry Potter, Trumpet of the Swan, Joe's Boys... Clearly she's a BIG reader but my point is, if anyone needs recommendations, my D is full of them!!
So I had something happen to me yesterday that I'm still processing a little bit.
I am a huge Seattle Seahawks fan. I have been since the age of 10, when I first started watching football as a bonding activity with my Dad.
I have also documented here that I am not a crier and have not shed a tear since the BD.
Well- I watched the game yesterday with D6 and at the end - I just started sobbing. Not just moist eyes with a few sniffles but full on flowing tears, gasping breath and red nose. Luckily D6 thought Mom was just being weird about the football game (I gasped out in a high unnatural voice "I...am... just .. so...happy.)
Why now? Maybe because all the papers were signed last week?We're now just in the waiting period for it to become final - maybe I finally could let go.
I thought it might be cathartic - but today I'm back to my normal self - just trying to keep chit together with a healthy dose of anxiety about what this will do to the girls.
I had the same thing happen a week or two ago - I was watching some movie and there was a really happy uplifting moment, and it brought a tear to my eye. That never happens - gotta watch it or I'll lose my man-card. And that was really the first tear during this whole bonanza.
You sound really good, raliced. You are one level headed, strong woman. Your girls couldn't have a better role model.
Just when I think I am going strong with my detachment - something happens to keep me humble.
STBX sent me an email to let me know he would need to drop the girls off at 4:00 one day next month. He usually drops them off at 3:30 - so this should be a non-issue.
He phrased it this way "I got forced into doing something I didn't want to do and will need to drop the girls off at 4:00".
Because STBX is dark with me (I now see him once a week when he drops off the girls and we have a shared calendar - so we don't need to exchange weekly emails anymore) - I rarely get anything beyond bare logistics. So I find myself today thinking about that one little tidbit waaaaaaay too much.
A sample internal dialogue: "Who forces him to do anything these days? It's not work or he would just say he had to work. And why is he telling me this?"
You know what? It's one sentence in a banal email exchange. Let it go, raliced. Let it go.
- he finally made that appointment with the proctologist. - OW is making him get a tattoo (of a little butterfly). - he had a fender bender and has to take remedial squad car driving 101 - now that he has the cowboy getup, OW has signed him up for line dancing lessons.
Today is my one day a week without both kids. I still struggle a little with it, particularly explaining to the girls who is picking them up, when they are getting dropped off etc (It's just too vivid of a reminder of their change in circumstance). D6 is old enough to understand but D3 has to be refreshed every time.
And then D3 did her usual chirping of "I get to see Lisa!". "She is so kind and boo-tiful " (Darn her precocious 3 year old way with words!). This doesn't bother me like it did previously. I've embraced that its better for them to like her and be ok with her rather than hate her and dread visiting with their Dad.
Will spend my free evening filling out some required legal paperwork (just a formality) and then I have to take a fine tooth comb through my budget. Beginning next month STBX will be paying me child support that is basically half of what he previously contributed on a monthly basis to the household. By refinancing the house, restructuring some debt and my improved tax status, I will be able to make up quite a bit of that, but will still have a delta of about $500 a month. Time to tighten that belt to its last notch. They are reclassifying my position at work (after they found out I was looking for another job) so I will be making that much as soon as it gets through budget committee. Even so, I need to build up more of a safety cushion - so here comes the knife!
And even though I spent the last paragraph hand wringing about finances - I'm also looking at the price to have someone build us a chicken coop. I pinkie promised D6 before BD we would get one this spring. A little reluctant to take on any more dependents, even feathered ones, but a pinkie promise is a pinkie promise.
I was just getting caught up with your sitch. You sound so strong. I think the cry was long overdue btw. Don't forget to take time for yourself on your days without the kids. I always incorporated my kids in my GAL activities because they were always with me and on the off chance they weren't I felt lost and it really dropped my mood.
A chicken coop! That sounds exciting - are there any coyotes around? We have coyotes around here and a lot of cats in our neighborhood have gone missing
(I already read all of these except Spyderwick to D11; she got The Mysterious Benedict Society, which is WAY too difficult to read aloud... if you want more children's recommendations let me know!)