You guys are are right. I need to go back to the tools I used before when I detached. I am finding it easier this time around. I have gone out of my way not to look out the window (I can see his truck- or see it's gone) right out my living room, among other windows. Plus I think things like I did before: if he wants me, he knows where to find me. I want him all in or all out. He said he was going for what he wants- well that had yet to be determined. I am stepping out of the way. He has lots of work to do- and it's on him. I know I will be fine without him.
He needs to man-up. I want someone who wants me, supports me, and is there for me. Those cannot be wavering. I don't want him as long as he is twisted up in the sitch w HWW. No way- no how. No part of that. It's going to be awhile- if ever.
Right now I know I need to work through the anger. I am fine MOST part of the day. I do, however, have times when the anger waves over me. It is then that I realize it's depth. The good thing is that it's controlled. It happens when I am alone. When I have a moment. It is never directed elsewhere. I know what makes me angry. I can pinpoint it. And know exactly where I am directing it in my thoughts. It does not trickle elsewhere.
But, like I said, it's deep. I don't know what to do about it. It is so frustrating it brings me to tears. Searing anger and tears. I think the tears are bc of the frustration of not knowing what to do with the anger, and because of it's depth.
It does not consume me. The whole doesn't consume me as it once did. Sometimes I just have a dull sick feeling, other times I am perfectly fine.
Upward and onward. One foot in front of the other.
Read an article on cake-eating this morning. Very helpful.
Thanks guys.
At ortho dr now w d13. Hope she's not out for the season! Yikes!
