What were the other problems that she would bring up that you swept under the rug? I understand you were afraid, but you can obviously see that didn't help.
It all centered around first her mom dying and me not being there. I have apologized for this 10000 times over the last few years. She has issues with forgiving and forgetting, she still brings up minute issues from 10+ years ago so that is always a huge impediment. She had a crappy childhood (parents divorced when she was like 3 and her dad pretty much disappeared) so i think that plays a lot into her forgiving/forgetting.
Aside from that, i haven't swept anything under the rug...just recurrent bouts of "unhappiness" and like i said it always would come during periods of other stress in her life and she would confront me about it but it was never from a position of "i'm unhappy, can you help?" it was always just very negative "i'm unhappy there's nothing you can do". But then a day or two later we would act like nothing was wrong and that was just the dumbest thing we could have ever done. I just am conflict adverse, so it was easier to just let a few days pass and hope things eased back instead of confronting the issues head on.
I realize i haven't been a great husband and i realize i have many short-comings but from my POV our marriage should have never gotten to this point. From the outside looking in, i can't understand how someone can have a spouse that loves them so much, so unconditionally and just shut them off. It seems like anyone should want a partner like that, but she's just walled me out of her heart
I almost feel partially like a scapegoat for ALL of her problems. Like she can't remove stresses that originate outside of the house so she just concentrates on the one stress that she can get rid of (me). She's very stubborn and contrary, so i can't even try to discuss things like this with her because she gets so defensive. And since it's coming from me, she ignores it. Whereas if an aunt told her any of this she might have took it onboard
M:39 W:35 Married: 12 years Together: 16 years No kids D bomb: 1/17/15 Filed 1/29/15 Moving out 2/2015
