Hi Sandi I thought I was detaching as inwasn't pursuing my wife anymore. No more affection on emails texts etc doing my own thing. I now realise I wasn't. I was still in the begging and hoping pursuing phase. I was doing stuff in the hope it would impress her and turn things around. I now realise it was futile as she already checked out. We agreed before I found out that I would move back to our other house just round the corner to give her some space. I now realise what that means. We agreed temporary seperation to see how we both feel. I now really need to get out. We are freindly around each other but is just wafer thin. No meaning to it. We' ll need to talk before I go to put some ground rules in place. Is this temporary, finances child care etc. I will then be pulling right back. I won't be here anymore to run around after her.
I've always been a big advocate of GAL and doing the 180 is much easier if you get into activities that you LOVE to do. So it's not doing it to stay away from her, but doing things you love to do that make you feel good or make you productive.
Part of my GAL strategy is getting into really good physical conditioning, improving your dress and grooming, also doing some social activiites....
So I have been mentioning Salsa, Step, Ball Room Dance, etc as ways to enjoy the company of the opposite sex without necessarily cheating.
I just started my salsa back up, and my current lady and I are having problems where I too need to "pull back" according to 180 and GAL principles...
Well in any case, I found through the salsa and I knew this from the past, I would have the close presence of friendly ladies who want to be in my space and our hands on each other. It literally fills the soul and I wasn't even thinking about my lady, but rather the nice lady who is dancing with me who wants me right on her... I went home with a source of confidence that hadn't been fed in years!
So I advice for other male and females as some sort of "social" dancing is good for the soul, and will make it much easier to "pull back" from your relation partner.
Often even when there is not trouble or affairs, you may need to "pull back" if you have been doing too much persuing! It increases your partners interest and attraction to you.
