Hey Complex - I guess I'm just 6 months further along the process, and feel a bit brighter now. You'll be sounding like this at some point in the future - and gosh I have bad days and good you know.
In the early days, it helped me a lot to read (about what was happening to me). I tried to eat little, often and healthy stuff - but I still lost 15lb after BD. I spent time with family and some close friends who didn't mind what sort of company I was. I gave meditation another try. A lot of people on here find it helps.
Really, at the moment, you are just looking for some respite. Stuff to get you through day by day. Then weeks start to pass, then months. And each month (mostly) is better than the last. It also helped me to find some early GAL activities that I have kept up too. Volunteering in a local charity bookstore has been a great one.
One thing I would say is trust in the process. Not so much to save your M - tho I appreciate this may be part of it - but to save yourself. I find that the longer I stay on the boards, the more I learn. There are some very wise people on here. Like you, I was very focused on my WAS at the start. And I still am to an extent, but that has improved, and I do feel more detached from him and attached to my own life than I did.
At one point, I thought I would hang on for him for ever, if that would be what it took. Now, I think I'll get to a point where I want to move on. I'm not sure when.
You're doing great Complex, and it's good you found these boards. It was a while before I did. Hang on in there!
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
