Heather, They get fixated on one thing and they stay on it. You've told him the truth about the tools and he can't accept the reality of what he's done. He left you and the kids w/basically very little income and you had to do something in order to get some help.
I really do understand what you are saying. I've been there and done that. My xh was the same way and only fixated on a plastic Easter Egg that his mother gave to me that was worth about $2.00. That's all my lawyer and I heard for months on end until he got it. It's like they have to have something to hold on to and when it's gone, the connection/thread has been broken.
Yes, you have to feel sorry for them, but not sorry enough to cave and give them everything. You can have compassion for them, but you can't be their door mats. Your h, like many other spouses, have lost everything and for what? Something "new" or a wonderful new life which turns out isn't any brighter or more promising than the one they left behind? They had choices and they certainly made the wrong ones. Now, they have to figure out how to go on w/their lives because we, the fixers, are no longer there to bail them out of their messes.
Sit quietly, more will be revealed in time. No more discussions w/him about the tools. Let the investigator break the cold, hard facts to him. Maybe he'll listen to what he has to say.
Keep the focus on you and your life. His is a mess and will continue to be so until he faces reality and truly works on himself.
