I am still that same person I just need to take a break from these boards. I am always so grateful to everyone for their help I just am not in a place to hear all of it right now.
I do feel like Ive tried. I'm not perfect no. I do really feel like I've tried to tell H. Maybe as others say he doesn't feel that way. I thank him often, tell him I appreciate him, yet I'm still in the wrong so I'm at a loss so my do nothing = me STFU. I'm going to go back to my life during BD - I'm taking the second job back and focusing on the boys and I.
The only person that can help H is himself. I can't help him if he cant admit that I'm the problem. I can only work on what I know needs to be fixed on my part and hope that maybe that's something that will help our M.
I feel like I can't come here and post what I really feel because people Think that's how I'm acting towards my H and I don't want to defend myself anymore.
Claire - how do you show compassion for someone that constantly shuts you out when you try to talk? Or when they say everything is fine they just are stressed about work and finances? It's pretty hurtful that I work OT to pay majority of the bills (and haven't brought it up even after the car) and then he comes home with a 500/month payment. I feel like it's a slap in the face. I'll keep paying his half of the bills so he can buy another car (we have 5 before this car by the way. He has 3 total now - all 2008 or newer). I could see if he *needed* it. In the beginning I told him his debt was his and I wouldn't help so he played 50% but as he withdrew and he said it was because of money I started paying more and more of his bills willingly.
Anyway, I'm sorry to anyone that I have offended. I appreciate everyone's help whether it's what *i* want to hear or not. I take everyone's words and think about each and every one of them.
