I'll take my personal growth and take a break as well.
Thanks everyone.
ETA- he actually hasn't told me what he needed/wanted. He withdrew. When I asked him about it he told me it was work. That has been the story. That's ecen his story to the counselor.
T0, I say this with a lot of love: you are sounding as angry and defensive as you were when you first arrived. Where's that inward-looking, GAL-ing, confident, kick ass mama who just went on with her life despite her H ' s wackiness?
Also, from someone who has been there, if your H does have depression or some other mental illness, he is incapable of fixing it on his own. One of the trademark unfortunate symptoms is an inability to seek out help. I know because it happened to me. My H would say, "you have a good life. Why are you so unhappy all the time?" Or, when I had PPD, "You're crying when I leave in the morning, and you're crying when I come home at night."
Or, when I was trying to find a therapist... I saw one whom I didn't like, and then it was months before I built up the courage to make abother phone call. The thought of sharing my story and my pain, and figuring out the logistics (between work, childcare, insurance) seemed completely impossible.
I am still that same person I just need to take a break from these boards. I am always so grateful to everyone for their help I just am not in a place to hear all of it right now.
I do feel like Ive tried. I'm not perfect no. I do really feel like I've tried to tell H. Maybe as others say he doesn't feel that way. I thank him often, tell him I appreciate him, yet I'm still in the wrong so I'm at a loss so my do nothing = me STFU. I'm going to go back to my life during BD - I'm taking the second job back and focusing on the boys and I.
The only person that can help H is himself. I can't help him if he cant admit that I'm the problem. I can only work on what I know needs to be fixed on my part and hope that maybe that's something that will help our M.
I feel like I can't come here and post what I really feel because people Think that's how I'm acting towards my H and I don't want to defend myself anymore.
Claire - how do you show compassion for someone that constantly shuts you out when you try to talk? Or when they say everything is fine they just are stressed about work and finances? It's pretty hurtful that I work OT to pay majority of the bills (and haven't brought it up even after the car) and then he comes home with a 500/month payment. I feel like it's a slap in the face. I'll keep paying his half of the bills so he can buy another car (we have 5 before this car by the way. He has 3 total now - all 2008 or newer). I could see if he *needed* it. In the beginning I told him his debt was his and I wouldn't help so he played 50% but as he withdrew and he said it was because of money I started paying more and more of his bills willingly.
Anyway, I'm sorry to anyone that I have offended. I appreciate everyone's help whether it's what *i* want to hear or not. I take everyone's words and think about each and every one of them.
