Doing the limbo thing (thread #8)

[shodan]

SRD

Sorry to hear about your situation. All of us want our M's to work for our kids' sakes. I still want my M to work but I need to give my W and myself some space. I have been looking to her to "fix" me and make me feel better. But only I can do that. I don't need anything from her to be whole, to be happy. As Starsky has said, M is the icing on the cake but not the whole cake itself. I need to focus on me, the cake. I need to let her go to figure out what she really wants. I know she wants the M to work but I also suspect that she is not "in love with me" right now. She loves/cares for me and knows that I am a great husband and father (she has said both of these things to me over the past few months) but our R clearly is not where I want it to be. I know she does things in the effort of "faking it until she makes it" but her actions are not where her heart is.

Therefore, I either can sit her and ask her for more and hope that that she gives me more of what I want in our M or I can move forward. Moving forward allows me to not depend on her. It takes the pressure off of her and me. And it allows my pain to go away. I often get terrible chest pains b/c I am so focused on her, what she was thinking, why she texted back "thank you vs. thank you so much!". I cannot live my life wondering where her head is. I cannot continue to read into every interaction.

The funny thing is that right now our M is probably stronger and better than most of our married friends. But that may not be enough for my W and I cannot make her want to be in our M. I cannot make her want to work on our M. She knows that I know where I went wrong in our M. I have made some great changes since the BD. Are these changes sustainable? yes, for me they will be. I just needed that reminder.

Rock on!