WAW Affair admitted

[Ontheup]

Hey Sandi

I complexly agree. I'm not proud of what I did but I did what I did and have to live with that. As far as double standard I can accept that. This is not an excuse but just an explanation. We were already in trouble when this happened, Intimacy in our marriage was dwindling and I didn't know why nor had the skills to find out. The events happened on nights out when I was very drunk and I was the one pursued. I was weak and gave in. The only positive I can take is that I felt so guilty I couldn't go through with it. Again this is not an excuse as there isn't one just an explanation.

Unfortunately while your actions do not fit within the normal DB system nor normal 180 solutions, they did do something as you can see. Your wife is PISSED, and it's an obvious double standard that even she can't lie to herself about. I was never a tit for tatter, but my new belief system is the cheating is more fun as long as the betrayed stays faithful. As soon as the betrayed gets a gf or bf and starts up the sex and having fun with someone else instead of waiting on spouse to return, it dumps cold water on the heat of their affair. They can now see it for what it really is, because they really think what you did was dirty and despicable...

As far as the strippers. This was innocent. There was nothing in it at all. It wasnt something enjoyable but embarrassing. Did I say no? No, I just went along with it to be "one of the boys" Have I ever had that again? No. Again this is not an excuse. To be fair I did tell her about the strippers straight away. My wife is no wall flower when it comes to that sort of thing either.

Strippers is a normal part of many "good" relationships even, of course with rules. Still guys and ladies do things that if their spouse was there they probably would not do... But it is good your wife knows you have a life outside of her.

I take it your story could end up being one of the more positive DB stories in the end if you do what you are supposed to do.

Your right i wouldnt have admitted it had i not found out.
Begging and crying first ? No. I found out asked her, she admitted and said something aong the lines of "well i have no idea what you have done either" so i just admitted it.

How did she respond immediately after this? I take it there was a very quick change in her attitude. You know they are like on god mode when they cheated you, and when you reveal you've done your own it takes that away.

"I didn't really want to, but you've been neglecting my needs for a very long time"

Im not judging anything. I think we have both made some very bad choices. We live under the same roof for the moment so we have agreed no more talk about it and just be friendly so as not to upset our daughter.

As far as reconcilliation. It is looking highly unliekly that is going to happen. The man she is having an affair with is her business partner so not as easy as just to end it. Im of the mindset now to detach work on me and be the best dad i can be.

SMH.

As far as more surprises, there are none from my side. Im not convinced on her time line of her affair though. Red flags suggest it has been going on much longer. They my have only been physical 6 months or so ago but she has been involved with him for much longer im pretty sure of that.

Some of her friends know about it. You can find out which friends know about it by planting a VAR in her car. Also didn't you find out this stuff from phone text chats? Perhaps in her chats to some of her friends it's discussed so you can go back in history.

It doesn't take long to go from inappropriate comments to physical, not long at all.

Hi

As soon as I found out 3am in the night and confronted her she was very upset. Demanding her phone back. Freaking out. When I asked how long she was pretty vague. Saying she doesn't know 6 months maybe. After a few questions she was saying "anyway I've no idea what you have done " and talking about a social cycling site I use. I thought I might as well just tell her get it all out. She was apologetic obviously ashamed and panicking but also really annoyed.We talked for about 3 hours before we had to sort my daughter out and go to work. I don't know how we did.
The next day when I saw her later on she was fuming. She had rang a mutual friend to find out who the woman was. Asking questions about her and the night. Now this has oissed me off as I have no idea what was said and I don't want to be painted as the only bad guy here. She was really pissed. It made me feel better because at least she felt something. She was saying she wosnt bothered later but easy to see she was. Believe nothing of what they say.

Strippers was maybe misjudged but it was innocent. Nothing at all happened and i was honest straight away

In my panicking I was demanding in that she end it and can't work with him and said to put her rings back on. What was interesting was that she said she had been in 2 mines about putting them back on. She said she missed them. Anyway they're still off and I can't see them going back on now.

As far as friends knowing I'm not sure. I did check messages between them and there was no talk of om. Just concern for her about our marriage failing.
As for checking now....I don't need to know. I'm pretty sure her best friend will know now as she was with her for hours on Sunday. She is single and always really has been but has been involved with a married man in nth past which all ended badly. Hopefully she will talk some sense into her.

It would be very difficult for them to have a relationship in the open. It would be so obvious what has been going on. Our daughter even though only 8 would work it out when older. 1 of his children already suspected to which he denied so this wouldr ruin his allready shitty relationship with his kids. My wife's family would be mortified. She has lied to them all especially her dad.
He is also a lot older and lives mainly in London plus they work together. It's a real mess. But will she stop seeing him. I doubt it. The love drug is still causing through her veins. Will it cool off. Maybe. The secret is out.
She repeatedly said she has no idea what she is doing. She has no plan her head is up her arse.
At some point they will need to think about what they are doing. Go public? Go on then. The gloss will wear off pretty quick I think.
Me...I just need to detach gal and continue to have a friendly relationship for our daughters sake.