I'm just utterly gutted right now :(

[Frank75]

Thanks everyone. I did order the books from amazon, hopefully i'll have them in a day or two.

I emailed her 2 really long, heart felt emails a few days ago. She replied last night just to acknowledge that she read them and thanking me for the thoughts and she'll reply "in a few days" because hse's not ready yet. I think the hardest thing is that the night before she left, she brought my home a milkshake, we laughed and everything seemed "fine" and then the next day i get this email.

I'm trying hard not to be angry but her tactics are really hurtful. I understand wanting to email, because I also do much better in written form. I'm able to gather my thoughts together and type something coherent instead of a face to face, emotionally charged exchange which would be much less helpful. I just wish she would have sent it and come home, or even just come home the next day. At this point i have no idea when she'll be home, it's been coming on 3 full days since she left and in her email this morning she said it would be a few more days.

Anyway, I replied to her email with another pretty long email telling her i'm sorry for everything, i acknowledge her issues (i really do) but I also think that nothing is irreconcilable. I tried my best to make sure no blame was placed on her and that I accept full responsibility while also just trying to convey that the grass isn't always greener. We'll see what happens. I have been in a constant 4 day panic attack at this point. i felt a little better this morning that she at least replied but being left in limbo is really doing a number on me and my stress levels.

As dumb as this sounds, i really can't imagine life without her. We really did grow up together and the thought of her not in my life kills me. Just thinking about it makes me so sad and even sadder that she can just remove me from her life