I thought everything was okay.....(Part 3)

[MCS]

So, met with MC individually today. He's the only person that has talked to both of us since BD. His assessment was pretty grim.

He's talked to her one on one and she has been emotional about things while talking with him (has never been with me)so I'm not sure what she has said to him in private.

Anyway, he had some really interesting advice that I never thought that I would hear from a counselor, but I understand what he meant.....detachment

He said,

"MCS, as much as its tough to admit, your M is dead. There's nothing you can do right now, as she doesn't want a M."

"MCS, W is not going to think of anything else or future affects of her decisions while (pursuit or R) with OM still being in the picture"

"MCS, you need to stop leading with your heart in this"

That last one stung, but it didn't mean be a jerk; but detach from the situation and stop trying to yearn for a connection, stop trying to let her lead me by manipulating, etc.


Also, we talked about the kids. I think that he realized the emotional strain having them go through this has had on me. Its the one time I completely broke down. He told me from what he saw, they were doing okay. Kids have to go through loss at some point, I can't shield them from it (this is part of my struggle.)My logical mind still sees this loss as preventable, but that doesn't matter now.

He said that this is a better time for the kids than later in life of having parents separate as the memories and any resentment of the situation on their parents is lessened as the grow up. He said the pre-teen years are where a lot of the troubles with kids and divorce come into play.

I don't know, feeling more detached right now. Like I said the other week, I don't want the person I see right now back in the M.