Letting go of my W is difficult after 19 years. I still love my W. Once the D is final, I keep thinking I will be nothing but a fading memory to her and the chances of us getting back together will be zero.
Yes, I am sure it is not easy to let go. It takes self-discipline and determination to turn loose of something we want. I hope you will not look at letting go in a defeated sense, but a choice. It can be your starter plan to make the next chapter of your life better. Letting go of what you have no control or power over can be very freeing. it doesn't mean you have to stop loving her. It does mean that you won't spend the rest of your life in mourning. It means you set out to live a better life, even if it means without her.
You will not be just a fading memory to her. You shared many years of your life together. She may want to forget a lot of things, and to move forward with a new life.......but she won't just erase you from her mind. Having a break from you may actually increase chances of a future, there is just no way of knowing at this point.
Have you considered counseling for your anger issues? Sometimes we need help with things we don't know how to work through or rise above.
I don't know if you were raised in a religious family or not. I can see how you could feel resentment when you did as they said and yet did not see the results you were seeking. It is sad when one feels God has abandoned them. This can be a part of depression, feeling defeated, a reference point for blame, misguided concepts, etc. Everyone is different. But even in anger, it is a pain that spiritual counseling may be able to help. I would think this is essential for inner happiness, if you believe in God.
Don't give up on yourself. Your mental, emotional, and spiritual health is of most importance to your healing. Don't be so focused on just your W divorcing you that you neglect these areas.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
