My reaction albeit needs improvement but is different from before BD
Different....how?
Different better ?
Better for whom ?
Different worse ?
Worse for whom ?
Different...parallel ??? [/b] Same tricks, new pony ???
[b]different as in better. I am not reacting to him the way I would Before [/b][b]
Originally Posted By: TO324
I'm not excusing my behavior. I just don't see me being able to really shove it under the rug anymore than that. I feel if I don't nip it now he will continue to do this and i can't live in a M this way. I feel my needs are always on the back burner and I keep molding the way he wants things so he doesn't get upset. If I reacted like I really wanted everyday he probably wouldn't be in the house.
So you say that you are not excusing your behavior...
And then spend the remaining paragraph making excuses for your behavior..
Pot or Kettle today ???
You say that you can't sweep issues under the rug anymore...
Whose issues ??
Yours ??
His ??
Are your issues -pertaining to the Marriage- more important than his ???
I am sure that yours are more important to you. Expecting HIM to make yours a priority, completely invalidates HIS issues...
And maybe remind me again...What exactly are his issues ????
At some point, you have to realize that his issues, are not necessarily your issues, nor are your issues , his issues..
Maybe the same concerns, yet you are trying to control him into dealing with things, the way that you do...not gonna work...
I see you consistently trying to apply YOUR fix, for HIS problems...
And until you can see that for yourself, you are gonna keep driving that square peg....
So maybe get back to DB101 here...
What are some goals that you can set, for yourself...
What can you do differently, for yourself...
How can you validate better, for yourself...
How can you stop destructive thoughts...
How can you focus on applying..what works..
How can you avoid going down those cheeseless tunnels...
So maybe not getting back to, as much as starting to DB ??
My issues are the way he treats me. Everyone in my life can see it. Even the counselor said he acts so angry with me. I am not included in his life what so ever. I was explaining myself and not excusing my behavior.
I have a hard time articulating via text my feelings and it may come across incorrectly.
Plan and simple this is how I feel - it's not necessarily right but it's how *I* feel.
My H came back and chose to come back, crying begging and pleading. He was everything I needed him to be - an open boom, daily texts, loving behavior, tons of physical touch, such open communicAtion about what was going on in his life and the decisions he was making. Then slowly it stops. He withdrawals more and is short with me, not affectionate and complete 180. My behavior did nkt change cor him to change. He became unhappy in his job. This seems to be HIS issue. He is happy with things until novelty wears off. XYZ is great best thing ever, then it suks 6 months later. Every car he's owned and every job he's had, even the city he moved us to. He hated it and was miserable there after we carted 2 kids across state. All the sudden the job wasn't good and the city (which he bragged about to me for weeks enticing me to move) was horrible. Suddenly there wAs a lot of crime, schools weren't as great, etc.
So he is pulling back I start pushing. When his behavior is him being distant, not affectionate and angry with any conversation I try to start. He gets more angry and shuts me out further. So here I am.
Why is it so hard for him to just be the man he was when he came back? I don't want to do this all alone. Anyone can say whatever they think until you live with this behavior day and day out. It makes me question why I am even here. I just keep remmeber posters saying this is *right now* but I am tired of being the fixer and walking on egg shells to keep him from exploding. I am tired of making the effort to make things happier around here. I need something from him. I'm getting nothing ... Well nothing positive.
It's hard to move forward from the past when someone acts this way. I thought I had moved forward but when he acts like this I start thinking he's having an A, is he just never going to come home again like Last year and then I'll get a text a couple days later that he's not coming home.
These are the thoughts and feelings I have every day. Are they right? No. Does it excuse my reactions? No. I just am trying to help people understand what battle I figjt in my head every day. It suks to think you opened your heart to someone who could give 2 shIts about you. Now is that the truth? Not necessarily but it's How I feel right now.
Those are the struggles I am facing. That I'm trying to work on. Each day he pulls away more they just pile up.
