Was the person that said that someone from work? Is this a friend or a one-off weirdo with no sense of tact....
People sometimes just need to stfu. Unfortunately, that's not in your control. Which means it's up to you to figure out how to protect yourself.
It goes along with the strategy of not watching xh and ow, so you don't have the added trash in your memory to clean up later....Take steps so you don't even give those comments a chance to be heard.
Set boundaries. It won't work perfectly 100% of the time. But people learn what they can and can not say to you when you set those limits.
I had to do this with my SD20. I thought I wanted to know details. I learned that knowing that stuff only kept my attention where it didn't belong, and it hurt.
I had to tell her to please not tell me things about H anymore. She forgot a couple of times, but that was all it took.
Mighty, you are so strong, but no one could be in your shoes without being a bit fragile. Protect that beautiful heart.
Interrupt those people as soon as you know the topic.
Don't let your curiosity get the best of you.
Negative gossip is seductive. Don't let their disparaging comments about xh and ow pull you into that negative drama. That's all that comment was this morning. Drama.
It does nothing for you. Only against you.
Literally....put your hand up like a "stop" hand when you hear the convo turn that direction. Say to them, "I'm going to have to ask you to stop."
You don't even need to apologize for it, or explain it. If you feel you want to, you could say, "I am sure you can understand that information does not serve me well. Can we talk about something else?"
or..."As you know, this is a very difficult situation for me. Respectfully, I have to ask you to please keep that type of information to yourself."
Even if you have engaged in that type of thing in the past, you GET TO change the rules whenever you want.
"Friend-person, I know I have talked about this stuff with you in the past. However, I have learned that it is holding me back from some much needed healing. I can no longer have these conversations about (xyz). Thank you for understanding."
Chances are, the person will respect that. They will probably feel somewhat embarrassed. And that isn't your responsibility if they do. Because YOUR feelings are what matter.
