I did it...not DBing, but a huge LRT, maybe the biggest of my life. It hurts, hurts and hurt some more, but it is the way to detach.
Last week my H got a promotion and called me to let me know he wants me to be the first person he would tell that he finally got a promotion he was waiting for for a long time.
That same night we went for a beer to celebrate the date, he then told me that he would take the kids skying on thursday till sunday because he was picking up some of his sales reps from the airport on monday morning.
He dropped off the kids on sunday in a big hurry. It was very suspicious. That same sunday I went to the airport, I want to see what was going on. Did not see H or anything else, back to the house, I couldn't just let go. I went to his place about 1am. His car was not there. Well, I felt some fishy was happening.
Monday morning I tough that he may be in the mountains with his cousin and family, I called the cousin to wish a safe trip to them and in a way the told me that H was not at the condo.
So I checked our bank account and found nothing. I checked H Credit Card and there was a charge from a Days Inn Dia, I got the address and went there. H's car was parked right in front of the hotel. I drove around the block and then tough about parking somewhere far to just see what was going on.
As I was driving I saw H putting some luggage in the car. I drove to the front of the hotel and stop there, standing and watching him with his OW. She was smoking, they were talking, he had his hands in the back pocket of his jeans pants and she approached him and kissed him several times.
She noticed I was there starring at them, H did not noticed anything. Then they finally walked to the car. H didn't noticed I was there a few steps away from him.
At that moment I tough I want him to know I saw him, I was there and the whole lying needs to stop. I drove ahead and stopped my car right behind his. He waited a little and then open his window to see what was going on, he saw me. He jumped very fast from his car and walked super fast to my car. He tried to open the passenger door but it was locked.
He walked around my car and tried to open the drive's door and it was also locked. At this moment I opened my window. He was shaking like bamboo in a super storm and was white like paper. He put his hands on my car and asked me what I was doing there.
I looked at his like I was going to vomit. Then I said very calm and slow. Nothing. I closed my window and drove away.
I know he was leaving that cheap hotel to go to the mountains in the condo that we got from out timeshare vacation.
I know I did it all wrong, that it is not what you do if you are DBing, that you don't do it because it hurts more on yourself. But I needed to see it, I needed this so I can learn to let go, detach 100% without any hope.
Today I did not busted my D, but I busted my H. Now, for financial security purposes I will probably filed D myself.
Now, I understand why so many people says that D is somewhat even worse then death. It's a feeling inside you that keeps coming back without any chance of resolution.
I am determined to detach, let go. I know well enough that time is the only medication that will do any good for me.
I came to my senses that I did many wrongs during my M, but I also know how much I endure to keep this M going. I know my H was weak and chose the easy way out and for that I can not control the outcome. Life will go on and I will try my best to live a good life with my sons. They are also left behind.
Even as a father my H is letting go. His life, his interests, his sports, career, everything comes before his family, so be it. He put the nails in his own coffin. We just need to grief now.
I don't know what future holds for us. I am just sure of today and today I need to make a better life for myself and my kids.
